The bust had gone well. No one was injured except for one of the bad guys who had sustained a sprained ankle while trying to escape.

Denver's crack ATF teams One and Seven had been working together to bring down the infamous Duggan gang. The joint effort had succeeded and the team SAC's clapped each other on the back, congratulating each other on a job well done.

Ron Gonzales sat cross-legged on a crate of weapons, clip board in hand, helping to count similar boxes. JD entered the info in his lap-top as the numbers were read out to him. Larabee squatted before a smaller crate of ammo. As JD expertly, and methodically, entered the info, Gonzales said, "Chris, have you checked that box over in the corner? It's sorta off to itself."

"Not yet," Larabee replied and stood to check it out. Raising up from his position he heard a loud "pop", from his knee, grunted and moved towards the corner. He reached for the crate and lifted it to set on one of the other crates to open. As he twisted his body to set the crate down, he felt a sharp pain in his right knee and nearly dropped the box. Chris set the container down hard and reached for his knee cursing. "God damn, sonofabitch!" he hissed, rubbing his leg and knee.

"Chris, what's wrong?" Ron came off the packing crate, heading towards where his friend was bent over rubbing at his sore leg. Buck Wilmington and JD, also, moved towards Chris.

"Chris what the hell is going on?" Buck wanted to know. "You all right stud? Nathan, over here!" he yelled.

"Shit, yeah, I'm fine," Chris said, gingerly standing on his right leg. The pain had subsided to a dull ache, but he could not put full weight on it. Cautiously, he limped around, "See it's fine, it's okay now."

Gonzales inquired, "You want Buck to take you to the ER?"

Nathan had arrived at the scene and was pensively watching Chris limp around. "Might not be a bad idea Chris," Nathan added.

"No! I'm good Nathan, Ron. My knees are bad anyway. That's why I retired from the Navy. I'll be okay, just give me a minute," he replied, breathing through clenched teeth.

Looking around, knowing they had to finish checking the inventory before going back to the office, Chris said, "Look guys, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine." Limping over to the box he had almost dropped, he started checking the numbers. "JD, you want to input these?" he asked gruffly.

"Chris, you need to see your doctor about that knee. It could be serious. It couldn't hurt to get an x-ray," Nathan urged.

"Okay, I'll make an appointment, but let's get this inventory counted so we can all go home!"

"Just make sure you do! I'll be asking Vin to make sure you make that appointment tomorrow!"

"Yeah, okay, whatever!" Larabee growled. "You ready JD?"

Gonzales just smiled and shook his head. He'd heard the rumors about Chris and Tanner, and truthfully, it didn't bother him one way or the other. If ever there were two people suited to each other, it was those two.

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Chris awoke the following morning as the alarm went off. He reached for Vin , but his partner was already up. Hmm, up with the sun or more likely, before the sun, he mused. Larabee sat up and winced when he felt the sharp pain in his knee. He rose from the bed cautiously and started for the shower. Once dressed, he hobbled towards the kitchen and coffee.

Vin sat at the table, drinking coffee and munching on toast, reading the sports page. Smiling when Larabee walked in, he received his morning kiss, rubbed his face affectionately against Chris's chest and resumed reading. "Ya ready for breakast?" he asked his lover. "There's sausage and toast warmin' in the oven. I can fix ya some eggs if ya want."

"No thanks, the toast & links will be enough," he answered, sitting across from Vin. He leafed through the paper deciding on the front page.

"What happened after I left the warehouse cowboy?" Tanner asked. After the bust was completed, Vin and Josiah had returned to the office, before the others, to start on their paperwork, since they weren't needed for the cleanup.

Looking up, "Like what?" he questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Nathan says ta be sure ya call yer doctor today and make an appointment. So," he paused, "what happened?"

"Oh that, I twisted my knee. Nathan thinks I should get an x-ray of it, that's all, it's not even important."

Putting the paper down and gazing at his lover, Vin continued, "So when are ya gonna call for an appointment?"

"Not you too! Please, Vin, it was nothing, I twisted it. It hurt a bit, then it was over."

"Then why are ya still limpin', if it was nothin'? Look, Chris, what can it hurt ta git an x-ray? It won't take no time and yer way overdo for a checkup, anyway."

"Okay, okay, I'll call him. But I think it's a big waste of his time and mine, especially mine!" Larabee huffed, got up and headed out of the kitchen, angrily. "Are you ready to go to work? There are reports from yesterday's bust to complete."

Vin grinned, shook his head and rose from his chair, following Chris. "Hey cowboy, my reports are finished and sittin' on yer desk." he quipped to the departing back. "And ya still ain't told me what happened."

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Three weeks later, Larabee was returning home from his visit with the Orthopedic surgeon his doctor had recommended. Dr. Williams had been surprised to get a call from him and had performed his annual checkup. Since it had been at least two years since his last physical, Dr. Williams had been pretty thorough. The pain in his knee had subsided to a dull ache, of which Larabee had become accustomed. He still limped, but only slightly, and no one really noticed anymore. Well, no one but Vin, who noticed everything about him.

The news hadn't been good. He had arthritis in both knees, had been afflicted with the disease for several years, apparently, but had never been diagnosed. That was the reason for those aches and pains he felt periodically. His right knee had finally given way, all the cartilage having been eaten away by the disease. He needed knee replacement surgery. The doctor had given him a cortisone shot in both knees and told him to return in about four weeks. At that time, they would set a date for the surgery if the cortisone didn't help.

Chris had been stunned! How could this happen to him? He was a young man, barely in his forties. Arthritis was an old man's ailment. Something his father or grandfather might suffer from, not him! Christ! What was he going to do? The doctor told him he'd be off work for about two months after the surgery. He couldn't take two months off. Shoot, he couldn't even take a week off right now. He and Vin had wanted to go away for a few days, but the judge wouldn't let him have the vacation time. 'Maybe later' had been the answer to his request.

Maybe the cortisone would work and he'd get better. He decided not to tell Vin how bad his knee was and it HAD really been bad! The doctor had shown him an x-ray of his knee and an x-ray of a healthy knee. The difference was startling. He sighed, wondering again, what the hell he was going to do.

Pulling into the driveway of his sprawling ranch house, he exited the truck and limped into the house. It was early afternoon and Vin was still at work, so all was quiet. He dropped his briefcase on the hall table and proceeded back to the kitchen. Getting a beer, he continued on into the family room and collapsed onto the couch. Rolling the cold can along his forehead, he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

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Vin entered the house and found his lover asleep on the couch. An unopened can of beer lay next to him as he slept. Smiling and shaking his head, Vin retrieved the warm can and took it back to the kitchen. He was anxious to know what the doctor had said. Chris had been moping around the house for days now and Vin guessed that he hurt a lot more than he admitted too. He couldn't seem to straighten out his leg, so they had found a new way of making love. Chris would sit up and lean against the headboard while Vin sat on his lap. That way, Chris could raise his knee a bit. Actually, Vin had found the position quite satisfying and belly to belly, he could get more friction. Well actually, any position they made love in was satisfying, he mused to himself, feeling a warmth flow through his body.

Tanner had stopped at the local deli and purchased some potato salad and some poppy-seed slaw. Putting his purchases in the fridge, he seasoned the pork steaks and started up the grill outside. It was May and the weather was sunny and the temperature hovered around the 70's. He couldn't believe how nice it was, as a few weeks ago they had had a pretty good snowfall.

Chris woke, hearing the clatter in the kitchen and assumed Vin was home. He sighed and after a few minutes moved off the couch and went in search of his lover. Still feeling the depression that seemed to weigh him down at the doctor's office, he tried to think about what he was going to tell Vin.

The kitchen was empty, so he sauntered on outside and there sat Vin, on the wood picnic table, watching the fire in the large grill.

"Hey pard." He tried to smile, but it came out as a scowl.

Vin turned around, smiled and greeted him. He expected Chris to kiss him, but was rebuffed by his lover, who sat down on the bench.

'Okaay,' he thought. "What'd the doc say?" he ventured.

Chris sighed a long hard sigh. "I guess I'm gonna need surgery," he said quietly.

Vin paused, not sure what to say. "What sorta surgery and when?" he asked, thinking that seemed safe enough.

"My knee is shot to shit and I don't know when," Chris growled in a low voice, forgetting his resolve not to tell Vin.

"I see," Vin answered.

"Do you, Vin, do you see? 'Cause if you do, I'd sure like it if you'd explain it to me!"

"Chris, getting mad at me isn't going to solve anything, but if it makes ya feel better, then yell at me all ya want. But there is no bad guy here.." he said quietly.

Larabee crumpled, put his head in his hands and willed the headache which was coming on, to go away. Tanner laid his hands on the shoulders he loved and started to massage them. He said nothing, but continued to rub the neck and shoulders. Leaning over, he kissed the top of Larabee's head.

"I'm sorry, Vin, I just don't know what I'm gonna to do. Doc says I need a total knee replacement. The recuperation time is about two months with physical therapy sessions daily. I don't have that kind of time, Vin! Hell, we couldn't even get a week off to go camping."

"Ya don't really have a choice, do ya, cowboy? I mean, what'll happen if ya don't get the surgery?"

"I'll end up crippled. It won't get better by itself, my knee will just keep getting worse."

"That's yer answer, pard. And having surgery ain't like going campin'. You need this operation, ya didn't need ta go campin'. Travis will hafta let ya off."

"Vin, we have three active cases and two sitting on the backburner. I can't just up and leave."

"Look, Chris, the Justice Department ain't gonna fall apart just 'cause you leave. You can leave Josiah or Buck in charge, both are qualified, ya know, and let the rest take care of itself. Hell, I'll be here ta help ya out and Kojay will help with the horses if he has ta. It'll all work out, cowboy. So when do you go back ta see the doc?"

Chris was surprised that Vin had strung together so many words. Usually he'd say two words if three were required. He looked up at Tanner and noticed the worried look on his face. "I go back in four weeks. He gave me a cortisone shot in both knees and gave me a script for Vicadon, maybe that'll help with the pain."

"I hope so, cowboy," Vin said, as Chris pulled him closer and nuzzled his face in his shirt. Using teeth, Larabee bit through the material sucking on cloth and skin. "God, I love you," he murmured.

Wrapping his arms around his lover, Tanner whispered back, "I love ya too cowboy. What'll say we have dinner then treat ourselves ta dessert."

Larabee looked up and smiled...

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A few weeks later, Larabee spoke to Judge Travis about the upcoming surgery. Travis was not happy about it, but could see his SAC was in great pain and barely getting around. He was limping so bad that it looked as if one leg was shorter than the other and Chris was using a cane to get around. Knowing the inevitable was going to be sooner than later, he advised Larabee to pick one of the team to take over while he was out on leave. Travis suggested Buck Wilmington, as he was considering promoting the big man and wanted to see how he handled being in charge for two months, but he left the actual decision to Larabee.

Knowing his knee was getting worse, Chris also made another appointment with his Orthopedic Surgeon, Dr. Ralph Rende. He had quit taking the Vicadon because it left him irritable and spacey, but did nothing for the pain. Ibuprofen actually gave more relief, but he was taking three and four caplets at a time and knew that was the wrong thing to do.

He asked Vin to go with him to his next appointment with Dr. Rende and scheduled it on a Monday morning, when there was less work at the office. Monday mornings were for catching up on reports, filing, meetings and assignments were handed out. Buck could take over those duties for the morning while they were gone. And although he didn't want to lose Buck, he also agreed with the Judge to give the ladies man a chance to officially prove himself with the temporary promotion.

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Vin and Chris were seated in the doctor's office. Dr. Rende had demostrated the artificial or prosthesis knee to them, explaining how it worked, what it looked like and how it would fit. He explained, due to the fact that the diseased knee had been over exposed to hard use, that some corrective measures would need to be made for the prosthesis to fit correctly. Smiling, he assured both men that the surgery was the best thing, and if Larabee gave himself the proper time to recover, performed his physical therapy and did his exercises, he could have a 100% recovery. Dr. Rende also scheduled Chris and Vin for a meeting at Community General Hospital one evening for a movie on total knee replacements, with a question and answer period afterwards. That way, everything would be explained and all questions answered. Surgery was then scheduled for Monday, July 10th, at 7 a.m..

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As the time grew closer for the surgery, Larabee found himself sinking into a morass of depression. While watching the video, the proper use of a walker was demonstrated. As far as Chris was concerned, the video ended there, along with his life. All he could picture was him hobbling around with that walker and his teammates and co-workers laughing or feeling sorry for him. Men he had traumatized in the past with his glare and snarl, would be trying to get back at him. He'd no longer command respect just because of who he was. Hell, Vin would probably turn away from him and yes, eventually leave. It scared Chris to think that Vin would 'wake up' one day and ask himself why he had hitched his wagon to a bitter old man. Worse, a drunk, mean, bitter old man, with an uncontrollable temper!

When Vin and Ezra were out in the field, checking on clues, he wondered if they were doing more. Ezra was gay, Larabee knew that, had found out quite accidentally awhile back, but kept it to himself. Ezra and Vin were good friends and enjoyed many of the same activities and sports. Larabee thought nothing of it if Vin and Ezra, or JD, went off for a day of skiing, they always asked him to go. Now he looked at them differently. Ezra and Vin would make a good looking couple, close to the same age and extrermely compatible. What if they got together? JD had Casey so Chris didn't consider him a risk, but you could never really tell. Chris couldn't bear to think about it. He knew he was being foolish, but just couldn't control his jealousy.

Because he had to hide his depression and the constant pain he was experiencing, while continuing to function as SAC of Team Seven, he had no outlet or anyone to dicuss it with. Buck had accepted the temporary position of SAC in Larabee's absence, so he was now Larabee's shadow. Chris was training him in procedures and the codes needed to perform the SAC's duties.

When meetings were scheduled, with the conference room halfway across the building, Larabee started sending Buck. After hobbling, even with a cane, to meeting rooms, Chris would be too exhausted from pain to listen or pay any attention to what the meeting was about. Hence, the ladies man filled the bill and was able to keep Larabee informed after the meeting.

The team leader was angry and depressed, while his sharpshooter scratched his head and wondered what was going on with his lover.

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Vin Tanner was wavering between confusion and aggravation. He knew Larabee was in constant pain, so he tried to give the man some space. Only to then be accused of cheating and/or not caring enough. He hadn't really understood which one it was. Grinning to himself, he wondered what would happen if he asked Chris to clarify the comment. But Larabee, right now would probably not think it was funny and go off on some tangent. Oh, he'd done that already. Trying to reach something on a top shelf, Chris had twisted his knee, almost fallen, then accused Vin bitterly of playing games and moving objects out of his reach. He had tried patience, submission, love, and finally, resigned resentment.

Nothing he did was good enough to please Chris, and since his lover was in so much pain, they'd even quit making love, although now, Larabee blamed him for that too. What was he to do?

Since he was with his partner 24/7, when, he wondered, would he have time to cheat? And with whom? Larabee hadn't mentioned any names, but had sneered at him like a wild man with his accusation. All Vin could do was shrug his shoulders and hope that after surgery everything would fall back into a normal place. Well, as much as normal could be in their lives. Vin decided to talk to Buck.

It was tough to get the ladies man alone these days, but Larabee had taken the day off to get his pre-surgery tests and to give himself a unit of blood just in case he would need it. Opening the door to Larabee's office, Vin smiled.

"Ya got a minute, Buck?"

"For you Junior, anytime," Buck answered smiling back at the sharpshooter.

Vin sauntered into the office and made himself comfortable. "Have ya noticed Chris is acting funny..." he started. "I don't rightly know why or understand what's gotten inta him."

"Have you asked him?" the ladies man ventured.

"Well, right now, askin' him anything is askin' for trouble. He's accusing me of all kinds of crazy things. Cheatin', movin' his stuff around, lying ta him. Reckon I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, Buck, but do ya think he's wantin' ta get rid of me and this is his way of doin' it?"

"No way Junior! If Chris wanted you gone, he'd have no qualms about telling you to get out. No, something else is going on here. I think maybe, just maybe, he's afraid you're going to leave him. He seems to think he's crippled for life and has told me that this job is mine after he's gone. I'll bet that's what happening, ol' Chris is feeling his age."

Vin sighed heavily, "I hope your right, Bucklin, 'cause I can't take much more of this." He moved from his chair, "Thanks though for talking ta me. I guess I feel better."

"Look, Vin, just assure him you're not leaving him, that you still love him and will, even if the surgery is a failure. Just be sure you mean it!"

Nodding his head, he silently left the office.

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The whole situation came to a head a few days later. Leaning heavily on his cane, Chris had started for the barn where Vin was currently hiding...hiding? Now where had that come from? About half way there, he had to stop and rest. Panting hard from the pain, Chris leaned against the fence rail. Looking down, his knee and ankle were swollen, causing his shoe to fit uncomfortably tight. God, he felt a hundred years old. Was this what his life would be like from now on?

Looking off into the pasture, he saw Peso running free across the meadow and wished it could be him. Would Vin take Peso with him when he left, he wondered. He had every right. He'd gifted the horse to Vin on his birthday last year. Shit, Tanner hadn't even wanted to sign the papers changing ownership. Said a horse like Peso shouldn't be owned by anyone.

"Hey, old man, whatcha doing out here?"

Chris's head snapped up, his eyes widened and a growl emanated from deep in his throat. He started to lunge at his lover and throw the cane at the same time, but without the stability of it, he started to fall forward.

"Old man! Old man! I'll show you old, you sorry assed Texan!" he shouted, while trying to get his feet underneath him.

As he was flailing and falling, Vin grabbed hold of him and barely missed being hit by the cane that was now laying near them.

Both men went to the ground in a heap, Vin with a protective hold on his lover, who seemed to be fighting him.

"How long before you leave, Vin?" Larabee shouted. "Now that I'm a cripple, how long before you cut and run out on me?"

"Chris, stop! Stop it! For Christ sakes, stop this!" He wrapped both arms around his lover and soothingly rubbed his back. "Chris, ya gotta stop this," he said calmly, shushing him quietly.

Larabee, stopped fighting Vin and wrapped his arms around Tanner, feeling almost desperate. Clinging to each other, Vin continued to soothe Chris, gently using a quiet voice and rubbing his arms and back.

"I'm sorry, cowboy," Vin whispered. When Larabee had calmed, Tanner pushed him gently away, so they were facing each other.

"First of all, cowboy, your knee is not being amputated, it's being replaced," Vin said in a voice to be reckoned with. "Second, why would you think I'm gonna leave? Sorry, pard, but you're stuck with me. When I said I loved ya, I meant it, whether in sickness or health, understand? And it'll take a hell of a lot more than a cranky old man to make me leave...I ain't gonna leave ya, I love you, pard" Vin whispered, bringing Chris close again for a hug.

They sat there on the ground for awhile, just holding on to each other. Finally, Larabee whispered,

"I'm sorry pard, I don't know what's going on with me. I just feel so out of control and scar... scared."

"It's gonna be okay, cowboy, I promise ya, it'll be okay. Trust me on this, it'll be all right. I reckon we better get up offa this ground and get you back inside."

"Yeah, I guess so."

Vin raised up and retrieved the cane and with the help of his lover, and the fence rail, Larabee was able to pull himself up to his feet. Together, slowly, they made their way back to the house.

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Chris last day of work was on Friday, June 30th. His teammates gave him a farewell party and several agents from various teams stopped by to wish him well. Although he knew Vin would not leave him, he still felt apprehensive and nervous about the upcoming surgery.

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Vin Tanner rolled over in bed and reached for his lover. The music on the clock radio was playing. That meant it was time to get up. Chris always hit the snooze alarm, but the radio had been playing for some time, so either he was already up or still asleep. "Chris?" he mumbled and slid his hand towards the other side of the bed, which he found empty. Sighing audibly, Vin looked at the clock, 3:30 a.m. and groaned. Today was the day of the knee surgery and Chris had to be at the hospital by 5 a.m.

He would be so glad to get this surgery over and done with. Then the real Larabe who was authoritative, arrogant and yes, even opinionated at times, would hopefully return.

Since their talk a few days ago, Larabee had lightened up. He was still depressed, but only because of the knee replacement. Where he got the idea that he would be handicapped the rest of his life, Vin couldn't even begin to guess. His temporary handicap sticker was only for six months.

Vin got up and went in search of his partner. He found him in the kitchen, reading the paper, dressed and ready to go.

"Mornin', I made you coffee," he said as Tanner walked into the room in his boxers. "Did you know that this paper is delivered at 3 o'clock?"

Vin smiled and gave Larabee a peck on the cheek. "Thanks, cowboy, ya ain't been drinkin' any of this, have ya?"

Larabee snorted, "No, I know the rules. Nothing after midnight. We had dinner at five, so I guess I'm safe. I just couldn't sleep last night."

"It's gonna be all right, cowboy, you'll see. Once it's all over and your back on your feet, you'll feel like new again." He grinned at his friend. "I'm gonna take a shower." As he headed for the bedroom, Vin prayed he was right.

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They arrived at the hospital about 4:50 a.m. and checked in at the desk.

Since Chris was pre-registered, the nurse's aide led them to a small room where Larabee was directed to change into hospital gowns with instructions that one ties in back and the other tied in front. His vitals were taken, then they were told to wait. Soon an orderly appeared with a wheel chair and Chris was whisked off to pre-op with Vin following. At the double doors, Tanner was shown the waiting room and Larabee continued on. Vin watched his lover disappear and silently, inwardly, blew a kiss in his direction with a 'be safe' thought, turned on his heels and headed out of the hospital. Getting into the Ram, he headed for IHOP and much needed coffee and breakfast.

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A little over an hour later, Tanner sat and watched out the window in the waiting room. Glancing at his watch, he shook his head. The doctor had said the surgery would take about an hour, but it was past that.

Dr. Rende entered the room, "Vin Tanner?" Rising up Vin stuck out his hand and the doctor grasped it in a strong handshake.

"Dr. Rende, how's he doin'?"

Releasing hands, Dr. Rende led him back over to the window.

"Chris is in recovery. He came through the surgery just fine. I had to remove some bone from his tibia to insure the prosthesis fit and we gave him a unit of blood to be on the safe side. I've ordered another unit to be given later on if he needs it. But all in all, he's going to be fine. Any questions?"

"When will his physical therapy start?"

"Probably tomorrow. We'll let him sleep it off today and get him up in the morning. Before he goes home, I'll order a CPM or Continuous Passive Motion machine to be delivered to your home and arrange for his physical therapist. I'll also set up an appointment with a visiting nurse from the hospital. Don't worry, Mr. Tanner... Vin. Before I send him home, he'll be more than ready." Dr. Rende smiled and clapped him on the upper arm. "You have my number, any questions at all, please don't hesitate to call. Just as soon as they have a room available, the volunteer will let you know." Dr. Rende turned and walked away. Vin sighed and sat down, took out his cellphone and called the office.

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It was a single room, small, but there was a television and a few chairs. There was a bedside table on wheels and a nightstand. The CPM machine was sitting on the floor by the large window.

'At least he'll have a good view,' Tanner thought, as he surveyed the room where Larabee was going to be residing for the next four or five days. It wasn't long before the hospital staff brought their patient's bed into the room. Chris was semi-awake, but not really aware of what was going on. The floor nurse had followed the bed in, and was hooking up the lines and monitors in their proper places.

"Mr. Larabee, Mr. Larabee, can you wake up? Mr. Larabee, I need to talk to you. Open your eyes. My name is Patricia, I'm going to be taking care of you today." She smiled when two green slits appeared.

"Hmmm? I'm awake," he muttered.

Vin stood over in the corner of the room watching the goings on, but was shocked to see Larabee try to roll over and not quite making it, vomiting partially on the bed and the floor.

"I'm sorry..." the patient whispered weakly and threw up again. This time the nurse had a basin under his mouth.

"That's all right, Mr. Larabee. You just relax and let us help you." Turning to one of the aides, she said, "Get housekeeping up here and let's get this bed changed." She then turned back to her patient. "Drink this, Mr. Larabee, it'll clean that taste out of your mouth. That's right, spit it out. There, feel better?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply from the bed.

"You're fine, can you roll over just a bit for me? That's it, thank you."

Chris could feel them changing the sheet, but couldn't muster the strength to help. He sensed, more than anything, someone cleaning up the mess he'd just made.

After a bit, the nurse, said to him, "Mr. Larabee, here is the plunger for your pain meds. When you feel any discomfort, just push this button and it'll dispense your medication." She handed him the disk. "In a while, we'll get you on the CPM machine, so your leg doesn't stiffen up. Okay?"

She looked up at Tanner, who was frozen in the corner of the room. Vin thought he was going to lose his breakfast when Chris lost his stomach contents. Fear crept up his spine and grabbed his heart. Chris was so strong, he'd always came through any surgery kicking and screaming, demanding to get back on his feet. This wasn't his lover, not this pale, half-awake man being sick on this bed. For the first time since this all began, Vin felt his lover's fear.

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The bed had been remade and housekeeping had been there and cleaned the room. After everyone had left the room, Vin had cautiously taken the two steps from the corner to the bed. Moving around to a chair, he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and sat down. Taking his lover's hand, he raised it to his lips and kissed the fingers softly, whispering words of encouragement. Chris slept on, but Tanner continued to hold his partner's hand.

Although he had been shocked, and frightened, by the events in the room earlier, he knew the blond was made of tough stuff and would recover as the doctor had said. He sat there patiently and waited for Larabee to awaken and was soon rewarded.

He smiled when he saw two green orbs looking at him through squinted eyelids.

"Hey you," he quietly asked. "How're doin'?"

Chris blinked his eyes. "I'm glad you're here," he mumbled. "I dreamed you left."

"I ain't leaving ya till they kick me out, pard. Ya want anythin'? Water?"

"Yeah, water's good. Can you raise this bed?"

Vin found the button and raised the head of the bed.

"That's good, Vin." He groaned when he tried to move. "Goddamn," he hissed, "I've stopped bullets that didn't hurt this bad! Is there a thing for pain?"

"Right by yer hand, cowboy. Let me help ya." Tanner handed him the disk.

"Thanks." Taking the disk, he gave himself several shots of demerol. Looking up, he saw the metal triangle hanging. Reaching up and grabbing the bar, he was able to move his body to a much more comfortable position in the bed.

"How're ya feelin'?" Vin asked again.

"Like shit, my leg feels like it weighs a ton, my throat's sore, my knee hurts and I gotta take a piss. There wouldn't be a urinal around somewhere close, is there?"

Tanner got up and checked the nightstand and found what his lover needed. He took it into the bathroom and ran warm water on it and brought it back to Chris.

"Here ya are. Need any help?" he asked teasing.

"I'm almost sure I can take care of this myself, but stay close, just in case," Chris teased back.

Larabee finished and handed the bottle back to his lover, grinning. "Ahhh that feels better and I think the drugs are finally kicking in. That's two problems solved."

Tanner took it back into the washroom and set it on the sink counter, knowing that Patricia would want to measure the contents.

"I called the guys after the surgery and they're stopping in after work. How's yer belly, still queasy?"

Larabee closed his eyes and thought for a moment, "No, I think that's over... at least, I hope it is. What time is it?"

"It's almost 4 p.m., there's a clock over here on the wall."

"Oh yeah, I didn't see it. You going to work tomorrow?"

"I thought I'd go in to the office in the mornin' and leave 'bout 1 o'clock, then head on over here. But you come first, cowboy. You need or just want me here, let me know. Ya know Travis gave me vacation time and said I could work half days this week."

Reaching for his lover's hand, Chris answered, "You know I want you here, pard, but you go on to work. I guess they'll be getting me up tomorrow. Won't be much you can do." Pulling Vin close, he kissed the palm of his hand.

"I love ya, Chris. Ya had me scared fer a minute after the surgery," Tanner replied, giving his partner an affectionate rub on his chest and arms.

"Why?" Larabee quizzed.

"You were pretty sick afterwards, scared me, that's all," he whispered.

"I'll be okay, Vin. Think I'll take another nap before the guys get here," he said closing his eyes.

When Larabee woke up, there was a sensation of his leg moving back and forth. He opened his eyes, only to find there were five more bodies, plus Vin, in the small room. The smell of pizza made him feel queasy again, so he opted for clear soup and Jello for dinner.

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The following morning Dr. Rende came in early, his nurse practitioner beside him. Un-wrapping the knee, he checked the incision and the drainage. "Looks good, Chris." Turning to the nurse, he said, "Let's leave the drain in for today, but get him up and start his exercises." Smiling at Larabee, he queried, "How are you feeling today?"

"Better than yesterday. The knee hurt like a sonofabitch. Sorry, ma'am."

Dr. Rende smiled. He had heard that his patient had had a restless night. "Can you swallow?"

Chris nodded.

"I'll take you off this machine then and start your meds by mouth. You have any questions? No....okay, I'll see you tomorrow. You rest now Chris, you have a busy day ahead of you."

Breakfast was brought in soon after. There was coffee, a scrambled egg, two strips of bacon, and something that looked like gruel. Larabee drank the coffee and ate a piece of bacon. Adding milk and sugar to the cereal, he enjoyed that also. He was surprised he wasn't hungrier, but his appetite seemed to have vanished.

Patricia brought him a small plastic tub of warm water, soap and washcloth, shaving supplies and two clean hospital gowns. Larabee cleaned up as much as he could, shaved and changed his gowns. Soon the washing supplies were whisked away and Chris settled down to read the novel he'd brought with him.

It wasn't long before two ladies with a wheelchair came into his room and introduced themselves.

"Mr. Larabee, I'm Debra and this is Lisa. We're going to show you how to get out of bed. This is called a leg lifter. We'll send you home with one."

"Looks like a dog leash," Larabee smiled.

"That's what everyone says." Debra laughed. "You hook the loop over your foot, lift up on your leg and move it towards the side of the bed. Here, you try it." Lisa handed him the leg lifter after pushing in on the loop to make the hole larger.

Larabee took it, tentatively, and hooked it over his foot and pulled up. "Damn leg feels like it weighs a ton." The foot rose an inch off the bed and dropped back down.

"That's it, Mr. Larabee. Now once you've raised the foot, swing it towards the side of the bed, slowly."

Chris tried it again and was pleased when his leg moved a few inches. The third time it moved even more, and in no time, his left leg was hanging off the bed and his right foot at the edge.

Bringing a walker closer to the bed, Debra explained to him how he had to swing around and put the foot on the floor. His new knee bent just a little and Chris sucked in his breath from the pain, but was able to slowly, place his foot on the floor and stand. Lisa put his houseshoes on, and holding on to the walker, he slowly made it to the wheelchair. Feeling quite proud of himself, his first inclination was to call Tanner and tell him he was up! That, however, had to wait. He was being wheeled along a hallway towards the physical therapy room.

During his therapy, Chris was shown a few exercises he could do while in bed, but the therapists walked him around the room until he was familiar with the walker and able to put a small amount of weight on the right leg.

Within a half hour, he was being wheeled back to his room. His first steps had been successful, though wearing, but he felt his confidence returning. Hell, he could do this!

Tanner was waiting for him in his room, a worried look on his face. Chris couldn't believe it was noon already.

"You're early," Chris greeted, stating the oblivious.

"Yeah, well I got worried, so I left a bit early. My new boss said I could." Vin smirked.

"You're new boss?"

"Buck! He told me ta git out since I wasn't gittin' anythin' done. So I left."

"I see, well, this here's Debr..., Lisa, seems we lost Debra along the way." He smiled.

"Deb stayed in PT to help out. Dr. Rende wanted you to stay up for awhile. I'll be back later." With a smile and a nod to both men, she left the room.

"Well, you're looking better today and yer up and around. You been to PT?"

Showing the leg lifter to Vin, he smiled evilly, a leer in his eye. "Wait'll you see how this works."

Inwardly, Tanner sighed with relief. His lover had color back in his face, was joking with him and seemed to be in a good mood for once. Maybe Larabee was on the mend.

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On Friday, Ezra parked his beloved Jag in front of the hospital to pick up the patient.

Larabee couldn't climb into the truck and Tanner's Jeep was too open, so Ezra had volunteered to bring Chris home. With JD's help, and that of the floor nurse, they had gotten the patient into the front seat of the car. Buck and Nathan had gone to pick up the food at a local eatery and Josiah had taken a pot of chili out to the ranch. Vin had fussed around the house, removing obstacles from any path Chris might want to travel over, since he was still using the walker and would be for a couple of weeks.

Chris had become quite proficient at dressing himself with a few gadgets and was able to get around, although slowly, with the walker. His lover was in a perpetual good mood, which made Vin giddy with relief.

The physical therapist and the visiting nurse had early appointments for Saturday morning at the ranch and Chris's recovery would continue. The CPM machine had been delivered and sat next to the bed. It had to be used two hours a day by Larabee. Everything was ready and now they waited for the Jag to appear in the driveway. Josiah and Vin sat on the front wraparound porch waiting for their friends and teammates to arrive.

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Chris arrived home amid a flurry of excitement. The other team members followed the Jag in and parked in various places around the yard. Ezra retrieved his boss's walker from the trunk and placed it within reach of Larabee. Chris swung his body around in the front seat of the Jag, stretched back as far as he could, lifted his leg out of the car and pushed himself up into a standing position. Taking hold of the walker, he slowly limped towards the porch of his house. Tanner awaited him at the bottom of the stairs and handed him his cane. They hugged briefly, then Larabee started up the steps to the porch. It was only three steps, but at the moment, it looked more like a three story building. When he reached the top of the stairs, he exchanged his cane for the walker and made his way around the wraparound porch to the back of the house. Once he reached the double- tiered deck, he sat on a kitchen chair someone had brought out for him.

"Whew," he gasped, looking around him at the activity going on.

"Ya just sit there and relax, Cowboy, most of the food is ready. Josiah just has ta cook the steaks. Won't take long."

"Just a small one for me, pard, I don't have much appetite yet."

"Ya heard that, 'Siah?"

Josiah smiled his big toothy grin and acknowledged, "Yeah, I hear ya, boss."

Buck and JD brought out beers for everyone, but Chris. JD handed him a ginger ale and a glass with ice.

"Thanks, JD," he grinned up at his computer expert.

The joking, teasing and camaraderie continued through dinner. It felt good to have their boss home again, feeling good and ready to start his rehabilation. Knowing it was going to be a long road back, everyone vowed to help out in some way.

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About mid-afternoon, the blond started to tire and feeling a nap coming on, decided to excuse himself and slowly headed for the bedroom saying, "Guys, you go on with the party, I'm going to take a nap."

"Ya want me ta send everyone home?"

"No no, I don't want anyone going home. I'm fine, just a little tired. I'll be back in a bit."

Vin followed Chris down the hall into the bedroom and hovered as Larabee toed off his shoes and prepared to lay down.

"Hand me that leg lifter, will you, pard?"

Larabee reached for the pillow and tossed it to the foot of the bed. Since the tools for helping make life easier for Chris had been left in the front hall, Vin left the room to retrieve them. Entering the bedroom, he handed the lifter to Chris and tried to help him put it on his foot.

"I can do this, Vin, I don't need help."

Vin stepped back like he'd been slapped, crossing his arms in front of him, muttered,

"I'm just tryin' ta help ya, cowboy."

Larabee looked up and saw the hurt on his lover's face. Sighing audibly, he patted the bed next to him.

"Sit down here, pard," he said, frowning when Tanner sat down, but not close like he had intended. "Vin, I know I put you through hell before this surgery and I'm sorry for that." Smiling, he pulled Vin closer to him. "But you know I don't do change well and well... well this was all new to me and I admit I was worried."

"Worried, ya call what you put us through, worried? Scared shitless is more like it."

A little grin appeared on Tanner's face to take the sting out of his words and Larabee grinned also.

"Okay, I'll give you that." He leaned over, nuzzled his lovers neck, straightened and continued gently.

"I know you want to help, shit, you'd probably want to do it for me," he stopped, and took a deep breath, "But if I'm going to get better, this is something I have to do on my own. There'll be times I'll be needing help and I'll ask for it, but mostly, pard, it'll be up to me."

"Ya want me to sleep in the other room?" Vin asked, trying to mask his hurt feelings.

"No, no, god Vin, no! I need you here with me." Grinning, Larabee leaned closer to his lover, licked his ear and laughed.

"Once I'm better, I'll give you a great big reward for good behavior."

Supressing the need to giggle as the tongue flicked at his ear, Vin stood and smiled.

"Thinkin' mighty high of yourself there, aint'cha, cowboy? Ya better git some rest. Let me watch how're gonna git that leg up on the bed," he replied, stepping back to watch how the leg lifter worked. Since in summer, a quilt acted as a bedspread, Larabee pulled the other half of the quilt over him and relaxed.

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The following day, Saturday, the physical therapist and the visiting nurse, arrived within five minutes of each other. Sitting at the kitchen table, they introduced themselves. The PT was Linda and the VN was Susan. Larabee answered all their questions and allowed the nurse to take his blood pressure and temperature. Both ladies were "the no-nonsense" type and explained what was expected of him and how his progress would be monitored. One hour a day, twice a day, he would need to use his CPM machine. After two weeks, it was hoped he could get rid of the walker and use the cane for support. And after four weeks, he would be able to continue therapy at a clinic away from home. Those were his goals. The PT would visit on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

Susan said she'd be back in two weeks to remove the staples from the right knee. According to his doctor's orders, he could shower after Monday. The white surgical socks had to be worn during the day until his doctor's appointment in four weeks. The dressing had to be changed daily using the topical salve and the bandages sent home by the hospital. These were his orders.

Susan left and Linda asked what room they'd be using for his exercises. Vin suggested the bedroom and away they went. Vin followed, but kept out of the way as Linda put Chris through his paces. About half an hour later, the blond was thoroughly exhausted and Linda was happy with the progress.

"This will be a good time to take a nap and use the CPM machine. Let me show you the way it works," she told them.

Chris, already flat on the bed, let Vin place the machine next to him. Moving his right leg into the holder, Linda, fastened the lambskin around his ankle to hold it securely and started the machine. She handed the on/off disk to Larabee and explained, "Once you can comfortably bend your leg at this speed, you may change the revs to bend it a little more at a time. This will help the knee become more flexible." Giving Chris an encouraging pat on his left leg, she continued,

"You're going to do just fine, Mr. Larabee. Before long, you'll be chasing down the bad guys again." Smiling, she turned to leave.

"Chris!" the blond said.

"What?" Linda asked, turning back to the bed.

"My name's Chris, so please call me that since we're going to be seeing a lot of each other. Okay?"

Laughing, she agreed. "Chris, it is."

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On Monday and Tuesday, Linda had Chris start by doing his ankle pumps then went on to doing his straight leg lifts with the help of his lifter. Eventually they progressed to heel slides, which entailed sliding his foot towards his knee and ended the session with him sitting in a kitchen chair as he tried to lift his foot straight up, even with his knee. At this time, he could only do two or three inches above the floor.

That all changed by bedtime on Wednesday night. Chris was sitting on the side of the bed in his boxers, trying to slide his leg back towards the knee. Vin was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth when he heard,

"Vin, Vin, come here! Watch this!"

As quickly as he could, Vin rinsed his mouth and headed into the bedroom. On the bed, sat his lover with a smirk on his face and his right leg on the bed.

"Watch this," Chris said again, and moved his leg towards the edge of the bed and off to the floor. Smiling, he then raised it off the floor and set it back on the bed.

"God! That feels so good," he laughed, proudly.

"Shit, cowboy, that's great!" his lover replied grinning, and sat down on the other side of the bed. "Can ya do it again?"

"I think so," Chris moved the limb off the bed and again, lifted it slowly and laid it back on the quilt. "Think Linda will be happy with me tomorrow?" He smiled.

"Hell, cowboy, I don't know 'bout Linda, but I'm sure as shootin' damn proud of ya," the Texan bragged.

They laid down together, cuddling, finding comfort in each other. Snuggling, Vin laid his head on Larabee's chest, while Chris wrapped his arms around the man's shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

"Maybe it won't be long 'fore we can try and make love," Vin murmured.

Breathing deeply, the blond replied, "God, I hope so," kissing his lover again, "I've missed you."

"I know, and I know we can't right now, but it's been so damn long. But I can wait until yer better," Vin whined and pouted, teasingly.

"Sorry, pard, I can't do anything until I get these staples out. Damn things pull. After I get them removed though, watch out!" Larabee laughed.

Knowing nothing was going to happen that evening, they shared a few chaste kisses and caresses, settled down and went to sleep.

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Larabee's heeling and recuperation went along smoothly. In the second week, Susan came and removed the staples holding the incision closed. Although it bled some, Susan was happy that it was clean and had no infection. She took his vitals and pronounced him well enough to stop using the walker, which he already had, and start using the cane, and arranged for the CPM machine to be picked up.

In fact, Larabee was chomping at the bit to start driving.

Vin would be going back to work on Monday, leaving Chris home alone. Their neighbor, Kojay, had been helping with the horses and agreed to continue to do so. Tanner felt better about leaving Chris on his own, knowing someone was close, just in case something happened. From experience, the sharpshooter knew just how much trouble a bored soul could get into.

Linda assured Larabee that he would be driving soon. Her third week of rehab, she tested her patient, checking to see if he could climb into the cab of his truck. The first few times were difficult, but the blond was determined to succeed, so by the end of the week, he was sitting in the driver's seat. They drove around the area of the ranch and finally, Linda pronounced him capable of driving to the doctor's office. Vin, of course, would be with him.

The follow-up doctor's visit to Dr. Rende's office was uneventful. Peggy, the nurse practitioner, was exteremly pleased with Larabee's recovery and announced that she was releasing him from home-care and setting up continued rehab at a clinic.

The flexibility in the knee was slowly improving, but Larabee felt good, his confidence having returned with his good health.

Asking if he could try riding his horse, the doctor told him no, not for several months. He was disappointed, but not depressed, and was delighted when Dr. Rende told him he could resume sexual activity as long as he didn't try anything too athletic. Larabee also asked about returning to work, but his doctor explained, "Chris, you've just had major surgery a month ago. Give yourself and your body time to heal completely. Come and see me again in four weeks and we'll talk about it then. You continue your rehab, take long walks, and rebuild your strength. That's what's important right now. I'll see you in four weeks."

Smiling, Chris met Vin in the waiting room and together they left and headed out for dinner with the guys.

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It was bedtime, but Vin was nervous, scared, really. He could tell, Chris wanted to make love tonight. The news from the doctor had been positive and the sharpshooter was happy for that. But what if his lover couldn't get an erection, what kind of spiral would that send Larabee into. He knew why he was worried, the last time they'd tried to share their love, Larabee couldn't. Of course, that was before the surgery when all hell was breaking loose. Vin sighed and prayed to the angels, 'please let this be all right' and sighed again.

Chris sat on the bed, resting against the headboard, waiting for his lover. He was hard as a rock and wondered why Tanner was spending so much time in the bathroom and if he didn't hurry, he was starting without him. Larabee grinned at that thought. He looked up as Vin entered the room.

"Hey there, pard," he smiled and patted the bed.

Noting Larabee's condition, Tanner grinned and crawled onto the bed and let himself be wrapped into the blond's arms. They kissed, tentatively at first, then as passion mounted, they melted into each other's body. Exploration of unforgotten places brought back the feelings of excitement and ardor as passion flared into undeniable flames. Love, lust and desire came together as the two men once again became one entity. There was no way to tell where one ended and the other began, so lost in their love-making, as the two bodies artfully built to their cresendo and slowly floated back to this earth.

Breathing heavily, Larabee laid his head on Tanner's shoulder. "You've killed me," he whispered. With that, he held his lover tighter and sucked lightly on the ear that was close to his mouth.

"I think ya done kilt me," came the answer between breath. Remembering his earlier fears, he nuzzled closer to Chris, knowing that problem had gone by the wayside. His lover was back with him, whole, and on his way to wellness.

Later, they lay entwined in each other's arms, secure in the knowledge that their love had passed another hurdle. Having been tested and found to be strong enough to weather another storm, both men slept soundly.

The End