
Jealousy was not one of Chris’s strong points. If he could have just seen it coming the minute Gerard walked back into Mary’s life, maybe he could have done something about it. Maybe sweep Mary off her feet when he had the chance. Take her in his arms and kiss her, make love to her all those many times when she was willing to give herself up. Maybe if he had the will to take her, the strength to love her, Gerard would have been nothing but a friend.
Chris slammed his door shut and tossed his hat on the bed in a fit of anger. He slammed his fists in the wall and instead of feeling pain he got nothing in return but yells from the patrons down the hall for being too loud. Chris knew he was being out of character and letting a man he hardly knew distress him like this, and there was no use for any man to get under his skin.
Chris had made a pact with himself after his family’s murder that he wasn’t going to take any other woman’s hand….not until he could put his own soul to rest and learn to love again. Mary Travis was not that woman no matter how many times he tried to tell himself that.
But why did it hurt so much to see her with another man?
Chris dropped his head then slammed his fist into the wall again before giving up for the night and he headed for his bed, shedding his clothes on the way.
Mary stood by her bedroom window, looking out into the pitch black night of the town. The only speck of light came from the saloon and Buck and JD appeared in sight by the doors as they stood in conversation.
Mary thought about the effects that went on in her day. Normally, she would have written about her past experience in the last twenty-four hours in a journal but now wasn’t the time to get the ink, open the leather binding, and write whatever came to mind. It was better to think than to write at the moment. Mary was content about the events of the day but dismay when she saw the look on Chris’s fallen expression when her old friend Gerard popped back into her life unexpected.
And as before, Gerard swept Mary off her feet and Chris stayed quiet. Back at the wagon train six months ago Mary told Gerard she would not marry him, and how sorry she was for saying the answer he did not want to hear. And then Mary remembered perfectly as if Gerard just said it that he would someday come back and sweep her off her feet.
That day was today, two days before Christmas, and Mary was powerless to stop it. Gerard brought Katie and many gifts for Mary and Billy to add to the small bunch under the Christmas tree in the back corner in Mary’s office. Even if the snow did not fall, the wind still sent chills through the town and the locals had trouble keeping warm during the days and nights.
Surprised by his unannounced visit, Mary allowed Gerard and his daughter into her home and asked if they would spend the holiday weekend with them. But now as Mary thought about all this, she only thought of Chris and what he was thinking. Mary was at fault for inviting Gerard into her home, into their lives, right in front of Chris and Mary wanted to do everything but praise herself for the invite she only gave Gerard.
Chris would be alone on the Christmas Day. He had the other Seven, he had Buck, but they were not his family. That knowing Chris would be alone, probably drinking his life away in his hotel room, tugged hard on Mary’s heart, on her soul, and she crossed her arms across her chest to keep from crying out. Mary made a fool of herself in front of the man she was in love with, but by God, she tried to make it right with him many times but Chris was just not giving. And she was still sore against the woman he had relations with and planned to move with her. Some part of Mary was glad Chris came back after he discovered the truth about his mistress. She wasn’t glad he was again hurt by the one woman he saw he could have a life with but Mary wanted him back, and still he planned to be the old Chris Larabee she knew.
Mary watched the outside world from her bedroom like a hawk, lost in a trance, waiting to see something fall dead from the sky. She knew it was Buck and JD’s time to watch the town and Chris was probably asleep….and alone.
“Morning, Gerard,” Mary said as he walked through the Clarion doors. “Where did you run off to so early?”
“I had to get a last minute gift for tomorrow.” Gerard said and opened his hand to reveal a small box, just the right size for….No…. Mary shook her hand and took the box from his hand not sure what to do about it. She knew what was inside; she wasn’t that blind to what small boxes like this one carried. She denied him once in her hand in marriage; would she have the heart to do it a second time?
“Gerard, I don’t know what to say….” Mary gasped and handed him back the box, then turned away from him and looked down at her work on the desk. “I wasn’t planning on you asking me again. Not this soon.”
“I’m pressuring you, aren’t I? Forgive me, Mary.” Gerard said, fingering with the box in his hands.
“You’re not pressuring me. I just think if you asked me again I wouldn’t know how to deny you this time.” Mary said this with her back to him, knowing if she looked at him in the eye, she would see something she did not want to. Mary was in love with another man but she did not want to spend the rest of her life, the rest of Billy’s life, alone without a husband and a father. She wanted Chris Larabee but he wasn’t giving.
Gerard touched Mary’s shoulder and pulled her around to face him. “Is that true, Mary? If I ask again, will you say what I’ve always wanted to hear?”
Mary held her own and tried to keep in heartfelt tears for a man who wasn’t around. They stared into each other’s eyes, one crying, and the other hopeful.
“Mary….will you marry me?” Gerard’s voice was blocked by a break of thunder outside in the cold then a sheet of icicle raindrops began to pour. Gerard ignored Mother Nature’s tantrum and looked back at Mary. “Mary?”
Mary tried to do everything in her power to say no. She did not want to marry her best friend, she wanted to fall in love, not be forced into a marriage she wanted nothing to do with. She loved Gerard but not that way.
“What will it be?” his voice rang in her eyes.
Mary looked into his eyes then cried when she couldn’t bring out the words. She turned away from his stare and back down at her work.
Chris stood outside on the small porch of his shack in the hills with his hands on his hips, missing his hat and coat, and just watched the chilly wind blow. His free blond hair shifted in the wind direction, his open shirt doing the same, tickling against his bare chest, and his boots were planted firmly on the ground.
The rain touched down unexpected and Chris had nothing on his mind but the wild rain. He watched it slam in the mud off the step of his porch, watch mud puddles begin to form, and the horses in the corral go mad to the touch of the ice cold raindrops.
The new horse Chris just bought last week was off alone, away from the others. She was the horse Chris needed to tame and it had been on his mind since he woke up in Virginia’s hotel to the time he arrived to the shack. And as soon as he heard the thunder roll from within the walls while he changed to get down and dirty, he knew he couldn’t take a chance to do it now.
But his hands curled to fists on his hips. Chris wasn’t going to let a little rain keep him from doing what he wanted to do in the day’s hours. He moved his hands to his loose shirt and started to button up to keep warm from the winds and rain. He walked back inside the shack to retrieve his coat hanging behind the door and his hat, then shut the door and walked out into the pouring rain.
The rain hit him hard on the back, the head, all over his body. Nothing he wore protected him enough of what he was about to do and then some. Chris knew he was going to get the beaten of his life if he planned to get going with taming a wild horse. He tucked his thick coat closer to his chest, fit for the winter season, and opened the corral gate. He held a tight grip on it before it flew out of his hands from the wind blow and the latch broke. He cursed under his breath and grabbed the reins to his other horses and led them to the barn Chris was in the middle of building just to keep his mind busy in the long days without gunplay.
The barn had a roof over it but the side panels is what needed the fix up but it would have to do for shelter until the storm passed.
Chris went back to the corral where the lonely young stallion stood in the corner, waiting to be let out too but Chris shut the corral gate behind him, and left the latch broken for now. He moved to the new reins hanging over the fence, grabbed them, and walked toward the horse to begin the break.
Chris made his regular grunt sounds to the horse so it wouldn’t buck kick him in the gut. The rain poured harder and that only made the tension in the horse harder to power and train. When Chris finished tying in the reins to the horse, he stepped back to get into his comfort zone in both mind and reality.
Chris yelled at the horse to get moving around the corral inner but the horse wouldn’t budge and Chris couldn’t breathe. He yelled at the horse again and when nothing happened again, Chris threw off his thick coat and threw it on the corral fence where he was in nothing but a light shirt and pants.
“Come on you!” he yelled a third time, the rain pounding hard on the back of his neck, his nerves coming to an end when the stallion wouldn’t move. She was cold and Chris was cold but he ignored his pain, his feelings, and kept on with the yelling.
Then suddenly the horse moved her hooves and kicked up in the pouring rain, sending slashes at Chris. He tugged on the reins connected to her jaws to keep her steady but the stallion wasn’t having it. She kicked up again and again until she maneuvered all four legs and dug back into the mud before sprinting toward Chris. Chris couldn’t move his legs fast enough to get out of the horse’s path and it wasn’t until he was flat on his back in the mud that the black stallion knocked him down. The last Chris saw was the back of the stallion’s rear, galloping out of the open corral, into the open field. Then everything went dark.
Vin cursed the rain as droplets dropped from the top of hat to the brim until rolling off onto his horse. He never did like the rain, especially when he was living in the wild with the Indians. He grew accustomed to their traditions as they feared the lightning. Vin didn’t like it much either but he always managed to get stuck right in the middle of it.
Vin rode hard and long on a loner mission he was asked from Mr. Hardy in town. Not that big of a deal mission. More of a get-out-of-town mission he was more than happy to take.
It was still fresh in the early afternoon and Vin hadn’t seen Chris since last night when they said their goodnights for the evening and went their separate ways.
On his way back to town, Vin felt a sudden urge to stop in the pouring rain and go have a check on Chris. Something in the back of his mind didn’t fit right with him. Vin knew Chris was still back in town but the bad thoughts wouldn’t allow him to believe that. He looked in the direction he was headed and noticed that he wasn’t far from Chris’s shack. Sure it might be rude to intrude on Chris’s privacy, but he had to kill the aching thoughts and make himself believe all was well.
Vin pulled on the horse’s reins and steered him to the left and began to trot quicker than before in the direction of Chris’s shack. It was still raining, raining like mad but Vin didn’t care now.
Soon after with the argument with himself that Chris was okay, Vin could see the outline of Chris’s small shack in the downpour. He was close and that made Vin’s heart tighten and his muscles tense. As he neared he could see Chris’s horses in the open barn house he was helping Chris with during the hot days of the summer, but the project faltered due to the lack of interest and no free days when it was constant fights and gunplay back in Four Corner through the straight month of September.
Vin turned his attention back onto the search at hand and wondered why the other horses were tied up in the half built barn instead of the corral. When he thought about it, it did make sense to put the horses to shelter from the constant rain for the third day in a row. As he rounded the shack, Vin saw the door wide open and as he enclosed the gap from the fields to the non-vacant land he didn’t see anyone through the windows.
“Chris?” Vin yelled out, but got nothing in return. Vin had his options to go from here as he looked around the land for some kind of life from Chris. Option one was to ride back to town and see if Chris was there, and option two was to wait at the shack and see if Chris would be coming back from the woods from gathering firewood to keep warm.
Vin shifted in the saddle and considered his options. If he knew Chris like he did, Vin knew Chris wouldn’t just stay out here in the rain. The wind must have blown the door open. He rubbed his forehead with a dry handkerchief from his pocket and reared his horse to turn so he could look in all directions of the land.
“Chris?” he shouted again and still no answer. “Hell, Chris, you’re probably in town wonderin’ where the hell I am.” Vin gave up and pulled his horse in the direction of Four Corners. As he passed the corral gate, he stopped the horse and dropped down in the mud. His legs were operating on their own, and his heart raced as he didn’t take the time to go around to the corral opening and he instead stepped onto the wooden boards and hiked himself over the railing to again splat down in the mud. He lost his footing and fell to his knees because the mud was so thick before he tumbled his way to the body face down.
“Chris!” Vin yelled, and grabbed the gunslinger’s shoulders and rolled him over to have the rain soak the mud away on his face. “Aw hell!” Vin examined Chris’s body then placed his index and middle fingers on Chris’s neck, trying to find a pulse. He saw Nathan do this numerous times to check for a pulse. Vin found one and literally had to control himself from jumping up and down excited. That Chris wasn’t dead but knocked unconscious.
“Okay, Larabee, we gotta get ya back to town. Have Nathan take a look ya.” Vin said to his cognize friend.
As he tried to heave Chris out of the mud and over his shoulder, it was hopeless given the detail Chris was bleeding from inside his shirt. Vin caught onto this and ripped open the shirt to see what had happened. To his luck, he didn’t see anything broken because he couldn’t see any bone sticking out. But the blood was coming from Chris’s lower abdomen. The gash was long and deep, cutting through layers of flesh and muscle. Vin looked further down Chris’s body and found a piece another gash in his right thigh. His pant leg was ripped, shredded almost. If Vin didn’t get Chris to a safe, dry location, he might not make it and he was no doctor to determine that. The least he could was provide little pain and move Chris and get him to a man who knew something of medicine and healing.
“I don’t wanna hurt ya, Larabee, but I gotta move ya. I gotta move ya before there’s nothing left to do but wait. And ya gotta help me move ya!” Vin said then again put pressure on Chris’s shoulders and tried to heave him to an upright position. This time it worked and with all his strength, Vin hauled Chris over his shoulder and walked slowly his horse where he left it.
When he finally made it, he slung Chris over his saddle before he had the strength to run like hell to the barn to retrieve another horse for himself. Vin quickly grabbed Chris’s horse, already saddled and ready to go, jumped on the beautiful Pony and turned around and reached down to grab his reins and he took off in the rain toward Four Corners.
“Nathan! Nathan!!!”
The locals turned in all directions trying to figure out where that scream was coming from. They couldn’t see much because of the downpour but they tried to keep off the streets in case something flew by in the streets and needed the space. They weren’t looking to get hurt on someone else’s account.
“NATHAN!” Vin yelled at the top of his lungs as he rode the rest of the way into town, some of the locals looking at him in disbelief and wonder. Vin stopped and the horse carrying Chris stopped a second later in front of Vin’s, almost knocking Chris off.
“Where the hell’s everyone?” Vin exclaimed then turned in the opposite direction and found Buck and Ezra running up to him.
“What the hell happened?” Buck yelled as he put a grip on Chris’s soaked back.
Vin ignored Buck’s question in a fit of anger, “Where’s Nathan at?”
“I’m here, Vin,” Nathan said, on his last step down from his room and already running toward the others to see what the problem was.
“Chris’s been hurt real bad,” Vin explained. “I was just passin’ through and I saw him face down in the mud. His corral gate was wide open, and so was his shack door. Don’t know what happened!”
“We gotta get him out of the rain!” Nathan yelled over the rain. “Come on, follow me!” Just as Buck and Ezra were fixing to move Chris off his belly and onto his back, Chris suddenly jerked awake and tried to fight off the men holding him down. He started cursing and fighting and grabbing at anything solid.
“Chris! Calm down!” Buck yelled. Ezra ran to the other side of the fighting Chris and held his arms down but Chris Larabee wasn’t having it. He jerked his arm away from Ezra and punched the gambler in the jaw. Ezra played pity party for a breath’s second then went back to grab Chris’s arms.
“Chris, stop! We’re takin’ ya out of the rain now stop fightin’ with us!” Vin shouted and put more strength into the fighting in hysterics Larabee than he had when he carried him to his horse earlier. He shoved Chris on his back and when Chris lost his footing from the pain in his leg and slipped in the mud, Vin winced in pain when he saw the blood that only covered a spot on his shirt earlier had now spread to his chest and the collar of the shirt.
“Let me go!” Chris groaned then his hands flew to his stomach and he bent over and puked. He was in pain and Nathan and Vin and Buck and Ezra all saw this and they had to get him inside before death caught up to him.
“Enough of this!” Buck yelled, and yanked Chris back up to standing position but when Chris started to fight them off again, Buck decked him a good one and Chris went limp again, falling back in the arms of Nathan. Buck then grabbed his legs and together they hauled the gunslinger up the stairs to Nathan’s quarters.
“What are you talking about, JD?” Mary asked her arms across her chest in horror.
“It’s just what I said, Mary. Vin came back ridin’ for a favor from Mr. Hardy and he found Chris unconscious in his corral. If Vin hadn’t been there, Chris would be dead now.”
“Oh, JD, don’t say that to me.” Mary said and sucked down tears. This couldn’t be happening. She had one man under her roof who wanted nothing but to love and make her his wife and then she had another man who was in pain, hurting, and apparently unconscious. She had to know everything. “What’s wrong with him, JD, will he be okay?”
“Not sure yet. Nathan’s lookin’ at him right now. Won’t know till maybe tonight.”
Mary shook her head, “I can’t wait that long to find out. Where is he now? With Nathan you said?” she turned to a dark corner in the front office and grabbed her coat. “I’m going to see him.”
“Mary, that wouldn’t the right thing to do now.”
“Why not?”
“He’s in a lot of pain. From what I saw, or heard, he was screaming like mad. Buck said Chris had a cut on his stomach that sliced through some muscle. Nathan’s not sure if it reached an organ or not. That’s what he’s trying to find out now. And another gash on his thigh that didn’t look bad.”
Mary held her breath, not wanting to believe any of this. “JD, do you know what that means if it cut into an organ? Internal bleeding! He could bleed out and then it’d be over for him! I can’t just stand here and do nothing.” She tried to push past him, her tears already overwhelming her voice.
“And you can’t do nothin’ there either, Mary. Just stay here and I will inform you every chance I got.” JD said.
Then Gerard appeared around the corner, coming from the kitchen. Mary didn’t want to look at him. She didn’t want Gerard to see how badly she was grieving for Chris Larabee, his “opponent” to Mary.
“What’s going on here?”
JD switched his gaze from a crying Mary to Gerard standing in the background. “Chris Larabee’s been hurt. Real bad it looks like.”
“Will he be okay?” Gerard asked, concerned.
“I don’t know yet, Mr. Whitman. I just don’t know.” JD said then looked back at Mary. “I will come back when I hear anything new. Stay here, Mary, it’s for your own good. I promise. You don’t want to see this or even hear the screams. It’s better if you don’t.”
“JD,” Mary said low enough only for the young man to hear. “I just can’t stand here and wait. I won’t be able to breathe.”
JD wanted to hug the woman. Mary was so sad, so heartbroken, so torn up with warm tears he’d do anything to take the sadness away. He knew she was in love with Chris. He knew it from the first time they’d met. And here he was giving her bad news about the man. That he might not make it.
“I’m comin’ back, Mary. I swear it.” JD said, returning the same low tone. He gave her hand a squeeze then he was gone, and Mary cried.
JD did keep his word and came back whenever he heard anything new. But each time he did, it was always the same and Mary was on the brink of losing her mind because she was still not allowed to see Chris for herself. Chris was fighting for his life, Lord how he was, and Mary just wanted to hold his hand while he was doing it.
It had been a few hours since JD’s last visit and that only meant nothing had changed in Chris’s status. The rain continued to pour, not letting up an ounce, and Mary wanted to pull her hair out. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and what if Chris died on the day? She would never truly enjoy the Christmas time without thinking of him.
No, stop it, Mary!
She wouldn’t allow herself to think about it. She just wanted to hear he was going to be okay and she wasn’t getting anything new from JD and since that was the truth she had to get up, go out in the dark rain, and find the answers she needed to hear.
Mary told Gerard she was going over there and with reasons from him why she shouldn’t, Mary ignored him, grabbed her coat and was swallowed in the dark skies, the hard rain.
Once Mary arrived on the scene, she took a deep breath, covered her face with her coat to keep herself dry but her tears weren’t going to let that happen. She was already soaked from the salty tears alone. She grabbed the stair rail and stepped up each step with a new side of confidence she didn’t know she had. Once she was at the top and walked down the way to Nathan’s room, Mary took another deep breath before knocking.
No answer.
Mary knocked a second time but louder over the pouring rain.
No answer.
She stomped her foot down on the floorboards and knocked a third time before the door flew open and Nathan stood in her view now.
“Nathan!” Mary gasped. She looked into his tired eyes as if something horrible had just happened. “What is the matter, Nathan?” she tried to look around his body to peer inside the room but she saw nothing but darkness. Mary looked back up at Nathan. “Talk to me, will you?”
“Mary, what are you doing here? I thought JD told you stay back at the Clarion.” Nathan said, tired and half awake. The trauma must have been that dramatic to barely have an eye fully open.
“Where’s Chris? I haven’t heard from JD for three hours straight. I would like some answers.”
“Chris isn’t here anymore, Mary.” Nathan said with any lack of emotion.
“What?” she was shocked with his answer that she regrettably thought about death….
And Nathan saw this, “No, Mary, Chris….he’ll be all right. I stopped the bleeding. He’ll be just fine.”
Mary let out a breath, “Okay then where is he? Why isn’t he still here in your care?”
Nathan rubbed his forehead, “You know Chris just as much as I do. He didn’t want to stay here havin’ someone watch over him like some victim. Soon as I stitched him up, he was gone but still in bad pain. Vin and I tried to restrain him but he wasn’t havin’ it.”
Mary’s heart lifted to ecstasy. Chris was going to be okay. But now that the hard part was over and she could move on from the worrying, Nathan still wasn’t clear to where he let Chris go off to.
“Surely you didn’t allow him to go back to his shack in the hills, did you?” she asked.
“No, ma’am, I did not. Since Chris didn’t stay here he was last headed to the bathhouse. Vin led him down there and I haven’t heard from either since.” Nathan said rubbing his eyes.
To that notion, Mary realized that she must have awakened the man and he looked as if he desperately wanted to get back to sleeping.
“I’m sorry then, Nathan, for bothering your sleep. It’s just I haven’t heard anything from JD and….”
“That’s because he and Buck went ridin’ to Chris’s shack to see what actually caused the accident. They left hours ago.”
“They went now in this weather?”
Nathan shrugged, “Nothin’ can stop a man from doing his work, you know this.”
Mary nodded then put her hood back over her head. “Thank you for telling me all this, Nathan. It certainly has been a rough day for you, I’m sure. Chris is a tough man who is hard to please. Get back to your rest now. I will see you tomorrow.” And with that Mary said her farewell and strode away on her way to the bathhouse.
Today was not the day he had planned in his head. Dealing with the hard rain was one thing, dealing with a wild horse was another and it nearly got him killed dealing with both.
Chris has had his wilder days but nothing compared with the amount of pain he dealt with physically earlier in the day with the stallion. Rain can make a person go crazy, and now that he had a taste of the madness he didn’t want to go for it again….at least not for now.
Chris winced hard as his wounds touched the boiling water, sending jagged pains through his muscles and veins. God….what was he thinking…. Today he did a dumb thing, but right now he was doing a great thing by soaking up his pain and absorbing it in to one when the bath water made him forget about the stitches Nathan did.
If only he could see that stallion coming through the rain, he would not be in this position right now. Chris didn’t know what hit him until he was face down in the mud and everything went black in both body and soul. Thinking back on it now, Chris couldn’t think of what could have sideswiped him in the gut and got him cut for it.
Ah, but that was in the past and mortal wounds heal fast. It was all in his head. The damaged that had been done down the years that wouldn’t go away, those would never heal unless he allowed himself to let them. But right now he didn’t want to think about anything but the warm bathwater he soaked in.
Oh, was this a good idea, Mary asked herself. Chris did not expect to see anyone now and he must be tired and sore and angry about what happened. Knowing Chris Larabee for as long as Mary had, she knew he was not the man to play doctor with. He would have taken the pain, the torment instead of someone making him take the medication to get well. Chris had dealt with greater pain than any other person would know. Mary thought he could take the pain of a ravage horse.
Mary took a couple deep breaths before opening the bathhouse door and walking inside. The building was pitch dark. The owner was no where in sight, and why would he be here? It was close to midnight and the only people left awake were the drunks in the saloon. Mary shut the door behind her quietly, trying not to make much noise because she knew Chris was around somewhere relaxing. And if he was asleep, Mary did not want to disturb.
She skimmed the first floor further until a breeze of steam brushed past her. Even when the steam was hot, it sent chills down her spin and she did everything but moan. Mary squinted to see if she could see into the darkness and as she did she saw movement and where the steam came from.
Mary’s heart skipped as she turned and locked the bathhouse door. Chris was here and she knew exactly where. As much as she wanted to run to the bath and pull away the curtain to see him nude and asleep, Mary had to keep calm and think about the consequences for her being there were going to be. Chris would get angry, there’s no doubt, and he would demand for her to leave him alone. He was in pain and she did not want to put more on him but she wanted to see him and talk to him. Even though deep down she wanted to get more that wasn’t going to happen now. Not with Gerard in town. Chris was already sour to the fact that he was.
Oh Gerard....
Mary left the man high and dry back in her home and here she was about to make a fool out of herself to a man she wanted to have and to hold. Heal his wounds if he’d let her.
Gerard would be waiting for Mary when she got back, and to think of how she and Chris were like in her building before Gerard popped his head in with a gaggle of Christmas presents and Katie. Billy was so excited, Mary was surprised, and Chris went mute. For once they were having a civilized conversation like they had during the wagon train, and Gerard stomped any hope Chris may have had in those small conversations with her.
Like the Chris Larabee way, he shook Gerard’s hand like a big boy, erased any silly thoughts he had roaming in his mind, and left the small family alone. Since then, Mary hadn’t heard from Chris since until she found out he had been seriously wounded.
And now here she was ready to show her presence to the man who again had stolen her heart. A part of her heart still belonged to Stephen but Chris was a man in need of much more than a half-beating heart. He deserved to be loved and have love and have a life he could finally call his own instead of the gunslinger life he lived each day.
But tonight Mary wanted to feel alive again, and she wanted Chris to know just how much she loved him.
Even if she couldn’t speak the words out loud, she could show him.
Summoning her courage, she tiptoed toward the bath and eased back the curtain surrounding it. The hot spray of water clouded the room. Chris’s clothes lay on the floor in a heap, the outline of his naked form lay still and content inside the tub. Her heart stuttered.
But the need to touch Chris and hold him overwhelmed her, and she moved forward. He looked tormented. Troubled. She eased the shower cloth open further, her breath catching at the sight of his taut stomach and chest muscles and lean, strong body. So male. So perfect.
But anguish dug at her throat at the sigh of the jagged scars and bullet holes on his chest. Dear heavens, what had happened to him all those years ago?
As she looked over his chest, wondering if there more scars on his body then she saw, Mary wanted to touch those scars and make them go away. For a man like Chris Larabee, he didn’t deserve to look like this. He had his enemies, but what had he done to endure this kind of pain of cuts and scars?
Mary scanned over his chest once more then up at his somber face. He was asleep, his arms dangling over the sides, his legs almost laying flat on the bottom of the tub. Then Mary remembered the accident and what brought her there. Her eyes darted to the cloth patch just below his belly button and winced. She knew Nathan told Chris not to get that wound wet but would Chris have listened? No. He needed the bath and the restful look on his face proved that to Mary. She almost didn’t want to disturb his rest.
Chris suddenly jerked, his eyes opened and feral, his expression tortured as he grabbed her arms. It was almost as if he couldn’t see her.
“Chris?”
He gripped her wrists so hard she thought her bones would snap.
“Chris, you’re hurting me.”
He suddenly blinked and stared at her in horror. “God, Mary….” He said in a gruff whisper, his eyes glistening with tears and pain. He blinked again and looked at her. “I’m sorry. I….just can’t stand for anyone to sneak up on me.”
The truth dawned on her, and her stomach roiled. Then his eyes met hers and raw misery darkened the depths. The need to take away his pain overrode her own feelings.
“I just wanted to see you,” Mary said, only she really wanted to be with him and tell him how sorry she was about Gerard. “I heard what happened.”
Chris rubbed his eyes, looked around the room, and finally came to realization where he was and he realized he was naked in front of Mary Travis.
“You have to leave, Mary.” Chris said hard. “I’ll come find you when I’m out. Just get out.”
“No, Chris,” Mary whispered. “I’m sorry about Gerard.”
Chris groaned, he gritted his teeth, and swallowed. He didn’t want to indulge in conversation right now. He was tired and in pain and Mary was only making it worse. “It has nothing to do with Gerard being here, Mary. I will come find you when….”
“I want to be with you,” she blurted out.
Chris looked at Mary, searching her eyes. Then he dropped his head, giving up the argument for her to leave, and he rubbed his eyes as if to clear them, but mumbled no.
Mary gripped his wrists this time, and forced his hands away from his face. “Look at me, Chris.”
He groaned, “Please, Mary, go back home.”
“I am tired of hiding from you, Chris, every time we cross each other’s path. I am tired of fighting my feelings for you. And I am tired of you looking as if you don’t care about me and Billy and my relationship with Gerard.” Mary released his wrists, “I told you I want to be with you.” She eased back from the tub and Chris and then slowly began to remove her clothes. Her skirt fell to the floor, and his eyes darted to the garment. She unhooked her top and when that was with the skirt on the floor, she removed her underwear and was left in nothing but a white slip.
“Mary....”
A second of shyness assaulted her. She’d never felt so vulnerable. Never thrown herself at a man. But if it had to be any man, it was Chris.
Outside the wind blew against the windows and the rain pounded hard on the roof. Mary watched Chris watch her, and instantly her legs jerked and she pushed herself to step into the bathtub with him and stand between his legs.
Chris didn’t move or know what to do. He tried to sit up but that only put more strain on his wounds. Mary saw the pain on his face and slowly began to slide into the tub with him. The warm water was at her knees then her waist until she came to a stop just as the bottom of her breasts touched. Chris watched her in awe and wanted to touch her but he yielded. Then she touched him….
Chris fought back, gritting his teeth. “I....the pain....too hard,” he murmured.
“Shh….baby, yes, you can. It will be worth it. Trust me. Please.”
Chris bit his lip hard; trying to rest his hands on either side of the tub, but her body was killing him and putting him in more pain in other places.
“Enough,” Chris grunted and put his hands on either side of her hips and pulled her up to him. Mary smiled as he placed her on his lap, her legs around him. Chris scooted into the middle so both could have leg room. Then Mary reached down in the water, took a hold of Chris’s manhood, and guided him into her welcoming center.
Chris groaned--- his hands flat on her back. Their bodies rocked in perfect rhythm, carrying them from one sexual plateau to another---from the moment of first joining, to the beginning of the end. They could no more have stopped than they could have quit breathing. Somewhere within the act, a knowing came upon them that this pleasure couldn’t last.
It started first with Mary, building low and hard and fast. She arched, meeting his power of his thrust with a strong need of her own, and as she did, she lost herself. It burst within her in a blinding flash of pleasure so vast she thought she would die.
The scream in her throat came out as a groan, and she locked her legs around Chris’s waist in a subconscious act of holding on to the feeling.
Chris’s endurance was just about gone, and when she pulled him the rest of the way in and then couldn’t let go, he gave up to the feeling and spilled himself into her in shuddering thrusts.
The silence that came afterward was as powerful as the act had been. They clung, one to the other, stunned by their joining until their skin began to chill. He needed to get his body away from hers but he couldn’t find the strength to move. Finally he peeled back. His hand wrapped around the back of her head and grabbed a fistful of her hair. He pulled her head down and looked into her eyes before covering her mouth with his. The kiss didn’t last long enough to savor.
“Chris….please….Chris….” Mary breathed out. She clutched his neck tighter, “You’re the one I’ve always wanted. Why has it taken you so long to come to me?”
Chris heard her question but did not think to answer as he bucked his hips and again released his seed deep into her body.
“I love you....Chris....I love you so much,” Mary gasped as she leaned her head back into Chris’s palm and took deep, heavy breaths. Chris tried to catch his own breath and when he did he bent his face down and kissed Mary’s moist neck.
Chris eased his hand off the back of her head and she looked at him.
“Chris, say something.” Mary breathed. “Say anything. Just talk.”
Chris was confused by this when all he wanted to do was make love to her again, but this time in a nice warm bed, dry from the bathwater, and take his time in the pleasures.
“Bed....warmth....so cold....” Chris said in short gasps. Trying to hold onto life and the pleasure, he hid in the core of Mary’s neck and held her tight trying to catch his breath.
After a while of holding each other, they reached the bath cloths and dried the other off. Mary helped Chris back to his feet and allowed him to lean on her for support since he was still badly wounded. Once they reached Virginia’s hotel and Chris’s room, Mary led Chris to the bed for rest, only he didn’t want to rest. He pulled Mary into his arms, fell onto the bed, and covered her body with his then planted a kiss in the middle of her mouth.
“Chris, your wounds....” Mary stopped.
“Will heal,” Chris finished. “It’s just a scratch.” He kissed her again.
Mary pulled away from the kiss after seconds had came and gone and she held onto his shoulders and had one hand around the back of his neck, squeezing. She wanted Chris to look at her in the eye then she whispered. “Will you make love to me, Chris?” the question of need shivering on her lips. Chris’s breath caught in his throat and to resist from anymore talking, he bent down and claimed her mouth again.
It was harder than she thought and the morning came quicker than she wanted. Mary didn’t want to leave Chris alone and asleep. She wanted to be in his arms until it was day of their fate, but she had to leave and go back home to her son and Gerard.
To look at another man was going to be harder than she thought too. After what she and Chris just shared, to look at Gerard was next to impossible to do. She had given her heart to yet another man who wasn’t Gerard. To have to break the news to him that she would not accept his hand in marriage was going to be a mountain to climb all on her own. She had to suck down her emotions and tell her old friend how deeply sorry she was for turning him down twice. Maybe this time he will get the idea that she loved another man, and that it was never him.
Mary opened the door and stepped into the Clarion. She took a glance around the empty first floor then took a satisfied breath. No one was awake and that’s exactly what she was hoping for. For the way she looked and carried herself, Mary needed to get some of the rest she needed. The night had been exhausting and one to remember but the way she looked, Mary didn’t want to have face Gerard and explain.
She wished to walk up to her bedroom, change in to some clean, dry clothes and sleep for a bit longer. Only Mary didn’t get her wish. And Gerard appeared around the kitchen corner with a worried look in his eye.
“Mary?” he said first, his raised first startling her.
Mary stood up straight and held her coat to her stomach. “Gerard, what are you doing up this early? Did you not sleep well?”
“I didn’t sleep at all,” he exclaimed but reminded himself the children were still sleeping. “Where were you last night? All night?”
Mary shook her head, “You are not my keeper, Gerard. I’m a grown woman who knows her boundaries. I….you are not my parent.”
“It’s been raining like mad out there all day and night. I was worried for your safety and where you ran off to.” Mary tried to walk past him but he grabbed her arm gently. “Mary....forgive me for my voice but you worried me.”
Mary fell for the man, and she had to tell him some of the truth if not the whole truth. “Chris….you remember what happened? What JD told us?”
“Yes.”
“I couldn’t take the wait of not knowing if he was all right or not. I had to go see for myself. I just didn’t tell you is all.”
Gerard let go of her arm, “How is Chris doing?”
Mary held her breath, “He’s better but still in a great amount of pain. I’ve been with him all night to make sure he was going to be okay. Don’t be angry with me, Gerard. I was only doing what I thought was right.”
Gerard let go of his anger that maybe something further happened between the wounded gunslinger and Mary but he knew that wasn’t good. He had been jealous once of Chris for seeing something of a liking between the two but now Chris was injured and Mary was only trying to help him.
“Forgive me, then, Mary. I didn’t know.” Gerard said.
Mary looked down at the floor. She didn’t lie to Gerard only told him what really did happen without the details. “I’ll accept,” she said and looked at him. “I’m tired now. I’m going to rest.” She headed for the stairs, glee that she was home free from any early morning quarrel with Gerard, but hoping and wishing was something of a child would do. It wasn’t until Mary was on the third step that Gerard hissed out.
“You lie!”
Mary pivoted around to face him, confused. “Excuse me?”
Gerard walked up to Mary so they were face to face, nose to nose. “I told you I didn’t sleep at all last night, and I saw you and Chris last night walking to the hotel in the pouring rain.”
“Gerard, I told you I was helping him.”
“Your clothes were mingled just like they are now but you’re trying to cover it up. Your hair is tangled as if it’s been matted down to a pillow, and you have a bruised mark on your neck. How stupid do you think I am, Mary?”
Mary slapped him on instinct. She didn’t like the way Gerard talked down to her as if she was just any other woman. Gerard backed away, disgusted with her and turned his back on her.
“I didn’t lie to you, Gerard. I was helping him because he’s wounded. But I can’t help him or myself because I am in love with him. I’ve always been in love with him. And I am so sorry that it couldn’t be you. You don’t know me like you did when Stephen was alive. We are all different people now. We’ve grown and lived through painful times in our lives and that makes us all change by heart and mind. Chris Larabee is a man who has changed through out his life. He’s dealt with tragedy of losing a wife and his little boy. And the only thing I can do for him is love him and try to fill in the holes of his heart. And I am trying. He deserves my love and my heart and my body.”
Gerard wouldn’t listen to her. He didn’t want to listen but he knew he had to or he would lose whatever friendship they had. He turned back to face her. “Then Katie and I are leaving. We’re leaving today.”
Mary flew from the staircase toward him. “But tomorrow is Christmas. You can’t do this to her. She wants to be with Billy. Please Gerard. Don’t do this.”
“But I want to be with you,” he said then walked around her and headed for the room he was occupying. He shut the door behind him but Mary stopped it with her hand and walked in. She watched him grab his clothes from the drawers in a fit of quiet anger and stuff them in a suitcase.
“It was a mistake to come here,” he told Mary.
“Don’t say that. I’m glad you showed up and now because it’s almost Christmas.” Mary said gently. “So Billy can have Katie to open presents with.”
“Is that the only reason you have for me?” Gerard said and stopped his packing to look at her again.
“Gerard, please don’t go. Not yet.”
“I can’t, Mary. I can’t even look at you without---“ Gerard ignored his feelings and went back to packing.
“Because I love another man?” Mary asked, her voice hoarse.
“Because I will always be second choice to you.” Gerard said and left the room with his suitcase half packed.
Gerard walks downstairs holding in his feelings and ready to lash out in an open field until he found Billy and Katie playing around the Christmas tree, looking at the tags. The man was heartbroken and he didn’t want his daughter to be either. Katie looked so happy and at peace that Gerard couldn’t think to break her heart too.
Then Mary came down the stairs more presentable with dry clothes on with her satin robe, her hair brushed. Gerard looked at her and mumbled, “After Christmas is over. We’re gone.”
Mary breathed a sigh of relief and swallowed down her tears, “Thank you, Gerard.”
But Gerard left the building before Mary could finish her thanks.
Christmas morning came and went in the blink of an eye. Everyone celebrated with family and friends and Billy and Katie had a wonderful morning to their surprise of the Christmas tree in the Clarion filled with presents they hadn’t known were kept hidden.
Gerard kept his space with Mary only looking at her from the corner of his eye to see the happiness ripped across her face. He shared the same smile just to see the look on his daughter’s face but the expression never stuck when Mary would glance at him. He was heartbroken on Christmas Day and that was bottom, awful truth.
Mary released some pressure she held in her heart for the man sitting beside her. She never wanted for Gerard to feel this way, but she knew his feelings for her and she again denied him the only woman he wanted to have as his wife for a second time. If only Gerard didn’t have a heart and didn’t care about who Mary was in love with or not. It certainly wasn’t him and she had to tell him that through tears and gritted teeth. He was not the man she loved.
As Christmas morning passed, Mary was left to the cleaning. Gerard told her he would be packing and Billy and Katie were outside playing with their new kites JD and Casey offered to help them. Before either the young couple could leave, Mary hounded them with a thousand questions about Chris’s condition but they both said the same thing: he’s still resting.
Rest was not something Chris Larabee hardly did.
And then Mary was alone and she only had Chris on her mind. His pained face, the tensed expression he held when he came inside her. The joy in his eyes when he looked at her. The knowledge that she put that look on him turned her on. She had to see him. If Gerard wasn’t speaking to her at least Chris would and they could talk about what last night meant between them. If it was a step up into their growing relationship, or just another dud and they would go back to only speaking to each other twice a day.
Mary couldn’t think about going back to those days. They made love, which meant something to her. She gave Chris her body, her soul, and most of all her heart. She wouldn’t allow him to turn away from her this time. She had to know what he was thinking.
Mary hurried to finish cleaning then grabbed her coat and left in a hurry without telling Gerard where she was going.
Chris sat up high in his bed with four pillows tucked behind his back. He had a stitch just above his right eye and he was bare-chested except warm cotton shirt unbuttoned to protect his shoulders from the cold wind, and a knitted auburn blanket waist high. He held in his lap a book as he tried to concentrate on the story but his imagination didn’t today.
It was Christmas day, probably now getting to be late Christmas morning and he was alone. Chris leaned his head back on the headboard, closed his eyes, and thought back on his life with Sarah and Adam and their Christmas traditions.
Adam was never allowed into the living room until both Chris and Sarah were present and could see the sparkle in their son’s eye when he saw the presents under the giant pine tree.
It was heartbroken to think Chris was alone on Christmas now. When the holiday was his favorite to celebrate, he had nothing to celebrate anymore. Only the memories he had to keep himself sane, and his friends around town and the business of being a gunslinger. Life was not about life and love anymore. He had to keep strong with his memories or the end and the devil would catch up to him.
Chris swallowed down a painful batch of tears and focused back on the book in his hands. He tried to squint at the words and concentrate until there was a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” Chris said, again swallowing down left tears in his eyes.
“It’s me....Mary.”
The sweet innocent response turned an alarm on inside Chris’s mind and he tried to sit up higher in the bed but the pain in his lower abdomen stopped him cold. With a throaty voice, he said, “Come on in.”
Mary opened the door, the old wood creaking, and stepped inside. She had her head down as she did but once she shut the door behind her and looked up her heart went out to the man in bed, in pain, and suffering on Christmas.
“Chris....I,” Mary searched her words. “I just came to see how you were feeling today.”
Chris tried to shift in the bed but again was stopped by the pain.
“No, don’t move. You don’t have to look presentable for me.” She said, taking a few steps closer toward him.
“I don’t care about that, Mary.” Chris said anger in his voice. Part of the knit blanket came loose from his waist and Mary caught glimpse the wound again, but this time from a distance it was swollen and jagged. The stitches were evitable as if Nathan had just come in recently to redo the bandages and touched up the wound.
“Dear Lord, Chris. Does it hurt more today?”
Chris brought the blanket back up to his waist and covered himself better. “Compared to what?”
Mary heard the spice in his tone and stepped away to get back into her comfortable state of mind. She had come to see him and his health but she had to ask him what had been on her mind ever since this morning and the second he took her in his bed.
“Chris, I came by to ask you something. About what happened the other night and....”
“There’s nothing to ask, Mary. Something happened between us....yeah....but you know I can’t....”
“You can’t what….love me?”
Chris looked away from the horror on Mary’s face. He did love her but he had to get the point across to her that he couldn’t be with her yet. That she deserved better than him, and he wanted to give her the out before it was too late. And Gerard was just that man to do it.
“Is Gerard still here?”
Mary’s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. All the past comments Chris and Gerard had passed between each other were neither welcomed nor pleasant. Why would Chris bring him up now when they had more complicated things to discuss?
“Yes,” Mary said.
Chris took a deep breath, “Then I think you should go to him. I’m not a good man, Mary, you know this. I don’t want to put you in any danger than what I already have. You or Billy.”
Mary couldn’t believe her ears, “You can’t be serious. I love you. You. Not Gerard, not anybody else.” She blinked tears away, “If I could have a second chance to be happy again I would want you in my life. I would want you to be the father of my son.”
“You said it yourself Gerard would be a great father to Billy. I can’t be that man, Mary, and you won’t understand.” Chris said, getting angry, his pain worsening. “I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t?” Mary stuck on her question like a bee on honey. She didn’t turn from Chris’s glare and she wouldn’t back down now after her heart was open for examination. “Chris, you say you can’t ever love again….that your life is damned because you lost your wife and son. Well I’m right here, and so is Billy. I know we can never replace your family but let us in. God has granted you a second chance. All you have to do is claim us. I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait forever.” And then she was gone.
Chris knocked his head back on the headboard, keeping his raging emotions under control. A special need he had to keep together for the past five years. He could last for another few seconds of sanity.
He wanted Mary just as much as she wanted him. And all that stood in his way was his bruised heart. The last ounce of affection he held for so long. Mary was a woman who deserved better and he tried to tell her that time after time but she wouldn’t listen and ended up giving her heart to him. To move on with her and Billy was going to be a challenge, and worse than waking in the mornings, contemplating suicide.
Chris brought his head back up and stared across the small room at himself in the mirror. To his surprise he saw his eyes full of tears, begging to be set free. His mind had been flying around other thoughts that he hadn’t realized he was crying. Chris then looked at his closed door and remembered moments ago where Mary stood. The sadness on her face and the tears in her eyes, Chris wanted to get up and pull her in his arms but he just couldn’t.
Instead, feeling confident she wasn’t far from the door, Chris called out her name. He called out again louder but no one answered and no one came running into the room to see what was wrong either. Chris heard nothing, just the nothingness in his soul, in his heart except love for a woman he hadn’t expected to fall in love with.
With pain and grief, Chris slung the covers from his body and reached for his pants on the chair by the bed. He looked to the dresser in the corner and saw that somebody had left him a cane to walk with. Chris liked the gesture and praised anybody who cared to listen to his thoughts that he had something to balance with. As he put his feet on the wooden floorboards, he got enough strength to will his bottom off the mattress and to his feet to go out and find Mary.
Mary helped the coach drivers put the last piece of luggage on the carriage. Billy and Katie were saying their goodbyes by switching river rocks they had collected over the last three days with JD and Casey. Mary turned in the other direction and saw Gerard talking to the drivers on which route to take to get back home.
The weather was still cold and moist and the wind wasn’t pleasant either. Mary had to keep her shawl close around her shoulders for warmth. As she looked around the lot more than half the locals were covered in double layers. She saw her friends, the neighbors, and all the Seven....but not a sign of Chris.
“We’ll all set,” Gerard said as he walked toward Mary. She gave him a hopeful smile but at the same time was sad he had to go. Gerard had been a good friend of hers for years and now to see him leave and hurting, there was nothing left for her to do but smile and maybe that would take away some of the tension.
“End of the line, Mary,” Gerard said, breaking her thoughts.
“Yes, I suppose it is.” Mary said and before she was about to speak again, Gerard called for his daughter to come and get in the carriage. Katie did as she was told and ran toward her father with Billy chasing after her. Gerard swept his daughter in his arms and Mary stopped Billy and wrapped her arms around his neck. They four stood in silence, listening to the bustling town around them until the carriage driver announced they will be leaving shortly.
Mary rocked back and forth with Billy close to her, and he laughed. “Gerard….I don’t know what to say.”
Gerard dropped his head, forcing himself to put on a good front. When he brought his head back up, he carried with him a half grin. “You don’t have to say anything, Mary. This time just wasn’t my luck, and I have a good feeling the next time won’t be either.”
Mary’s heart dropped for the man and she said, “You know I love you, don’t you?”
Gerard nodded, “Yes, I do.” He leaned toward her and brushed the back of his hand to her cheek. “Take care of yourself, woman. If you need me, you know where to find me.”
“That I do.”
Gerard pulled back, and took one last look at the woman who use to be his dream woman, his dream wife then turned away, and Katie was left waving goodbye to Mary and Billy before she was put into the carriage. Gerard got in after her without looking back at the mother and son; he put his hand outside the open window and waved goodbye.
Mary waved back and so did Billy, but neither Gerard nor Katie saw and the carriage took off down the street.
Then thunder broke out and the rain shattered from the dark clouds and poured down on the town. Mary had forgotten that it was in the middle of winter and the rain felt ice cold against her face, and Billy was jumping in the mud puddles. Mary grabbed her son’s arm and told him to go back inside and keep out of the rain before he caught an illness. She patted his back and soon Billy was gone from her eyesight as he shut the Clarion door behind him.
Mary looked up into the dark sky, the rain pouring harder on her face, and she took a deep breath. She knew she had to get out of the rain too and as she turned her body in her dripping wet clothes, she began to walk up the steps to the Clarion. As Mary did, she glanced over her shoulder at Virginia’s Hotel and saw the lone gunslinger standing beneath hangover.
Mary caught her breath from slipping from her mouth. She turned her body in his direction and they locked eyes.
Chris was dressed warmly, his black duster clamped around his chest, a red scarf around his neck, and a pair of leather gloves on his hands. His hat shaded half his face but his green eyes remained to gaze at her. Mary pulled away from his strong presence and moved downward to his right hand holding onto a cane. She had almost forgotten he was injured. The cane made sense.
Chris then used that cane and helped himself off the Virginia’s porch and walked right into the pouring rain. Mary didn’t know what he was doing or where he was going in his condition. The more steps he took toward her, the more Mary was interested in what he planned to do. Without thinking of the rain or the consequences Mary stepped out from the shelter of the Clarion roof and back into the pouring rain, the muddy streets.
Getting closer and closer to his destination, Chris wiped away any pain he was feeling and tossed it aside to only focus on one woman. To his hope, Mary stepped out of the shadow walking towards him. Chris was a man in love he hadn’t known for a long time and in bad weather, or in pain, he had to get his woman and tell her how much he needed her to survive. That didn’t mean he still didn’t love Sarah and Adam. Mary was a woman who was patient, who waited for him, who’d wait forever. Chris didn’t want to make the mistake and have forever be too long.
As they reached each other in the middle of town, Mary blinked out any rain in her eyes that could have been mistaken for tears as she watched Chris’s expression rise and fall.
Before Chris was able to talk, he looked over her head and noticed the carriage that held Gerard was gone. “Gerard left already?”
Mary nodded, never breaking her stare. “He knows where my heart belongs.”
Chris took a deep breath and leaned harder on the cane. “Is this what you want, Mary?”
“To have you….yes,” she whispered but when Chris didn’t say anything further but look into her eyes, she reached for his free hand as if asking for a handshake. “Hello, Mr. Larabee.”
Chris lowered his brow, confused. Without question he took her hand, and gave it a squeeze. “Hello, Mrs. Travis.”
Mary smiled then brought her hand to his face, cupping it with her palm and kissed him in the rain.
A kiss that would last forever.