Anniversary by the poet

I wish I could stop the memories if only for today. I can never forget you, but it hurts too much to remember: today of all days.

You were in your Sunday best. You came to me with all the honesty and love you had in your heart. I beamed from ear to ear. Nothing could take that smile from my face as we turned to face the preacher and heard the words that would unite us forever.

But forever didn't last nearly long enough. Some bastard murdered you before I really knew what loving you meant.

The days continue to go on. Some days I can go without thinking of you with tears in my eyes or needing something to settle my nerves. Others are spent just trying to remember to put one foot in front of the other and hide my pain.

No one should see it. I wait until the darkness comes. Only one other shares with me that kind of pain for they too lost the one they love to violence. We've found some solace in the comfort of each other's arms. In the darkness we seek each other out, if only to block out the grief that is at times all consuming.

I hate breathing without you. Something vital is missing. I'm no longer whole and I wonder why. Why was it you and not me. Each day... I thought it was supposed to get better.

I rage in the thunderstorms and feel my tears mix with the rain. I must be going mad for it to hurt this way. My clothes get drenched from the rain and yet I can't feel the chill. The only thing I can feel is the ache of missing you.

Was I greedy in wanting you to stay? What kind of God is he that would take you in such a vile way? How could he leave me in your wake, with this emptiness I feel in my heart for the need of you? What kind of God would do that to one of his 'children?'

I try to remember the good times and I remember your laugh and your smile, and the way you could change my dour mood with just a look.

I envy others who walk hand in hand like we once did. Hell, I even envy the arguments and the glares because that too was part of what we were. I miss the 'we' that we had become and I dread the 'I' that I am now.

Still breathing but not knowing how nor caring except when I feel his arms around me in the darkness and when all that is left of you is nothing but the shadows.

finis