Flash by Dayna

I've always heard people talk about seeing their life flashing before their eyes. But, it had never happened to me. And let me tell you, I've sure as hell been in enough situations where I should have. I figured that only people who regretted things in their pasts saw it flash before them. I wasn't one of those people. I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes, or that I didn't feel bad about some of the things that happened. But, I didn't regret the choices I'd made in my life. I had always done as I wanted, and I followed my own rules.

I never questioned myself or my abilities... not until I met him. From the first time we met, we clashed. He thought I was a hot head, only looking out for myself. Out to feel the rush of the action. And maybe he was right. Hell, he was right the night I broke cover, unintentionally causing a teammate's death. I knew I had screwed up, but having Curran point it out to me only pissed me off. Though I didn't realize it at the time, after that happened I set out to prove to him that I wasn't a screw up. I made a mistake, an error in judgment. There was nothing I could do to undo it or to make things right. But, I could show that it wouldn't happen again.

Curran had been giving me the cold shoulder after that night, and I couldn't understand my own feelings about it. Why did it matter to me so much what this man thought about me? Why was his opinion so important to me? I didn't allow myself time to consider those questions, marking it up to just being alienated on the team. But I knew that wasn't the real reason. By that point in my life though, I was real good at not dealing with things that made me uncomfortable. And thinking about Curran made me uncomfortable.

So, I settled for him actually treating me as part of the team again. I had even convinced myself that things were settled, until I watched as Curran went down. Shot by a damn terrorist that had tricked me into letting him escape months earlier. Curran's order to blow the building echoed in my ears. I had my finger on the detonator, but I couldn't. Curran would die in the explosion and I wasn't about to let that happen. So, I handed off the timer and took off for the building. I could see the surprise on Curran's face when I showed up in that doorway, but there was something else. A look in his eyes that I couldn't allow myself to dwell on then. I had to get both of us out of the line of fire.

And I wouldn't have time to dwell on it for a while. Curran was seriously wounded and was delirious from being doped up. It fell to the rest of us to get him and ourselves out alive. But once we made it into the ocean, away from the terrorists yet on our own, my mind began replaying the look I'd seen. I had looked over to where Curran was, and knew that unless we were picked up soon, he wouldn't make it. Hell, none of us would make it. And for the first time in my life, I saw flashes of my life. Not my whole life, just moments from the last few months.

Floating in the ocean, a world away from home, I realized what I'd been too blind to see. Or maybe I didn't want to see it. My feelings suddenly became clear, and I looked back at Curran. And I knew why this one man's opinion mattered so much. I saw all the missed moments, and I admitted that I had really screwed things up. Then I made the decision to correct that mistake, if I ever got the chance.

Seeing the sub surface, knowing that I would get that chance, scared me to death. How was I going to approach Curran? And what if I misread what I'd seen in his eyes? What if he hated me once I admitted the truth to him? Then I would have to deal with that later. I wasn't going to regret it again, and be left with only what ifs. As soon as we got home, I was going to talk to Curran.

As we waited to board the sub, I held onto Curran as the others went up first. I looked down at him, surprised to see his eyes open. "Hey boss. We're going home."

Curran nodded and my breath caught in my throat as I saw that look in his eyes again. "We gotta talk, Hawkins."

I look at him and smile as my arms tighten around his body. "Damn right we do, boss."

I can tell I've taken him by surprise, but there's a small smile on his face before he loses consciousness again. I have no idea what's going to happen here, and it scares me to death. But, it thrills me, too. And God knows I love a rush.

THE END