Coming Down by Dayna

I love the rush of adrenaline, but once that settles down, I come down hard. Right now I'd like nothing more then to be at home, sound asleep in my own bed. Instead, I'm sitting in a rock hard chair in a damn hospital. I've always hated hospitals and now isn't any different. But, I refuse to leave until I know how he is.

I think once we were on our way back home, I convinced myself that Curran would be fine. He'd get fixed up and then we'd have the talk that we both knew was coming. But, things hadn't worked out quite that way.

Curran's injuries were more serious then I even realized, and infection had already started setting in. He'd been taken into surgery as soon as he arrived and I haven't heard anything since. I told the others to go home, that I'd let them know the second I heard anything. They tried to get me to leave too, but I refused. There was no way I was leaving Curran alone, even though he didn't even know I was here.

I won't let myself think that he won't be alright. We've both come too far for it to end like this. I saw the look in his eyes, and I know what it meant. We've both been hiding from our feelings long enough. After nearly dying, I know time is precious. And we've both wasted enough of it. As soon as he's in a private room, we're having our talk. I realize it's not the ideal spot for talking but it'll have to do. I won't wait any longer.

The doctor just came out talking about complications. He made it clear that I should prepare for the possibility that Curran won't make it out of surgery. No way! I won't even consider that, because I know Curran. There's no way he's going to let this beat him. He's going to fight and he's going win. He'll show all these know-it-all doctors that they were wrong to write him off so fast. He's survived worse than this.

I told them he'd make it, told them he was stronger then they thought. He made it through surgery, but the doctor pointed out that Curran isn't out of the woods yet. But, he's beaten the odds so far. I make the calls to the rest of the team while I wait for him to be transferred to a private room. Then I go in and sit next to his bed. I reach out for his hand, noticing how pale and vulnerable he looks. It actually scares me to see him like this and I tighten my hold on his hand. I stroke a hand through his hair, whispering to him. I talk to him about everything and anything I can think of. And I enjoy the peace I feel just being alone with him.

It's been several weeks since Curran survived surgery and he's getting stronger each day. He's still not strong enough for us to have our conversation, but I've been by his side the entire time, leaving only when absolutely necessary. I'm the one holding his hand when he's tortured by nightmares, and I'm the one he asks for. Without even having to talk, we have gotten closer.

I think the others can see the change in our relationship and even suspect the reason for it, but they've never said anything. We've all been through a lot together, and I think they'll support us in whatever we do. But I don't give a damn if they don't. I won't let anyone's prejudice keep me from exploring my relationship with Curran. I've denied what and who I've wanted long enough. Hell, I was denying it to myself. But no more.

The doctor's told Curran he can go home next week. We've gone and straightened up his boat, arranging everything for his return. It was kind of a silent agreement that I'd be the one to pick him up from the hospital and bring him home. I think they realize that we need this time alone to talk. We have to put into words what our actions have been saying for the past month. And once the words are spoken, there will be no turning back. If we blow this, we ruin more then just a potential romance. We destroy the friendship we've been struggling to build and we blow what's left of our team out of the water.

Is it worth the risk? Damn right it is. He's worth the risk. Hell, we're worth the risk.

THE END