Memories of the Past by Linda

As Chris stood in front of the picket fence, he looked at the two wooden crosses. This had been his family, but there was also another part of him. His own family apart that was so long ago.

Suddenly he heard his name.

Christopher, where are you?

It was a voice he had not heard in along time. He realized it was the voice of his father. Christopher stepped out of the doors onto the porch. There was the reminder of yesterday. He had come close to killing someone from his past. He thought about it, the memories started coming back to him. Suddenly a voice broke up the memories.

"Chris, you all right?" Asked Vin. "It's like you saw a ghost."

"I did," replied Chris. "It was a ghost from 20 years ago. He's someone from my past."

"Who is he?" Asked Vin.

"He's my brother Matt," replied Chris. "My life has always been a part of my past. No one needed to know," replied Chris.

Chris slowly walked across the street to Nathan's. He climbed the stairs. He wondered what he would say to someone he left behind. He slowly opened the door. Chris could see Nathan working on the man in the bed.

"Is he going to be all right?" Asked Chris.

"Yes, but he needs rest now," replied Nathan.

Chris slowly moved closer to the bed. He could see the man's face. He knew he was looking at the face that looked like his pa.

"Nathan, who is this man?" Chris asked.

Nathan replied, "You know him don't you? I can see it in your face. By just looking at him, he has to be someone close. Am I right." Asked Nathan.

Chris stood there looking at the man. There was no doubt that he was.

"Yes, Nathan," replied Chris. "He is someone who I was close to, but that was a long time ago. That was a long ago back on the farm in Kansas," replied Chris.

"Who is he, Chris?" Asked Nathan.

"He's my brother... Matt Larabee." Replied Chris.

He looked at his face again.

"Is there anyone else?" Nathan asked.

"I don't know. I left home when I was 18, swore I would never go back, and I never have," replied Chris.

Suddenly there was another voice.

"If you had you would know, but I know," replied Matt. "Pa always said that if you picked up a gun. That would be the way of your life, and he was right. I just never thought you would shoot your own brother." Matt said.

"It's been twenty years. I've change and so have you. You don't look the same," replied Chris.

"Neither do you, but there was a time when things were easy," replied Matt.

"Yes, it was," replied Chris.

"Okay Doc! When can I ride, I need to go home and let Judge Randall know it's okay," Matt said.

"You mean the judge is responsible for this?" Asked Chris.

"Yes," replied Matt.

"But why? I haven't done anything in Kansas," said Chris.

"No, but you have a reputation as a gunslinger and your name came up, so he put out a reward for you," replied Matt. "So if I don't stop it, more will come looking for you," Matt continued.

"Give it a day then you can leave," replied Nathan.

"Chris, I didn't want to be the one, but now I'm glad," Matt said.

"Just get some sleep and we can leave tomorrow," replied Chris.

Chris walked out of the room. Nathan followed. As he walked down the stairs the memories of a time long ago slowly started to come back to him. As he crossed the street to the boarding house he could see the face of his mother and sister. As he entered through the door to his room more memories of his past were starting to come through slowly, the memories of yesterday were very clear. He had almost killed his own brother. While he sat in the chair he could hear his father's voice...

"Christopher, where are you?" Yelled Andrew Larabee.

"I'm here pa," replied Chris.

He knew to answer quickly. It was a rule they all had to live by.

"Where are your brothers?" Asked the older Larabee.

"I don't know," replied Chris.

He had no sooner answered the question when Matt and John came around the corner of the barn. Chris knew they had been playing with an old gun they had found. He knew that if he said anything that his brothers would make trouble for him. He hated being the youngest son. Chris was also his pa's favorite and the older boys knew it.

"What do you want?" Asked Matt.

"Judge Randall sent a deputy to have me come to Fort Hays. I'll have to be gone for a few days. The Judge says that your ma and you kids can stay at the hotel while I'm gone. But if you want, you boys can stay here. If you stay here, you had better stay out of trouble. I think you're all old enough to take care of yourself. Matt, you will be responsible for Chris," replied Andrew.

As Chris sat on the porch he hated having Matt watch him. He was sixteen and thought he was old enough to watch himself. He remembered the day his parents told them the news that they were leaving Ohio. His pa had been a farmer there, but there were hard times. Andrew had heard about Kansas and that it was great for farming. Chris was ten when they left Ohio. For a while it seemed to be true. Then things started to go bad. There had been a drought that summer. Then things became worse. It had been a bad time for them. Chris's memories of it were strong. That was the year that they met Judge Hart Randall. He had been sent to Fort Hays to set up a court. That was the day Chris's pa became a marshal for the judge. It would mean money for them. It would help a lot.

Chris looked at his pa wearing the badge. He knew that one day he wanted to be a marshal for the Judge.

The light started to come through the window Chris realized that he had spent most of the night thinking about the kid from along time ago. He walked out of the door. He could see the faces that had been so important for him. He slowly made his way to Nathan's office.

He made his way to the stairs he heard the voice of Josiah.

"If you need someone to talk too, I'm here," he said.

As he turned around he heard himself say. "Maybe it's time I talked to someone, Josiah," replied Chris.

"I got all the time you need," replied Josiah.

"Where were you going?" Josiah asked.

"I was going to check on Matt," said Chris.

"Then we'll go check on him and you can tell me more about your past," replied Josiah.

When Chris opened the door he could see that Matt was still sleeping. Slowly Chris sat in the chair next to Matt. He found himself opening up to Josiah.

"Pa used to tell us that having a gun and using one was not the easy part of being a marshal. I realized that a gun could only cause trouble. By the time I was twenty I knew what he meant. Both Matt and John were working for the Judge. They would say that if you're not fast you could die. I knew then that was not what I wanted. I used to watch Matt and John walk around town like I. It was like wearing a gun was something to be proud of. Then I could see ma's face... there was a look of fear. That one day something might happen. I could hear her every night. She would say the same prayer over and over."

"'Dear God don't let anything happen to them'. I knew she was worried. That's when she made me promise to never pick up a gun. But I knew I'd never be able to keep that promise. Back then it was pretty wild times. I kept my promise as long as I could. Then came that awful day I would never forget. Pa and John had been gone longer then they should have been. Ma was worried but Matt kept saying everything is okay. By morning we knew there was something wrong. There was a knock on the door. Ma answered it."

"That's when I heard her crying. The voice was that of Judge Randall. The voice sounded sad..."

"Louise I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but when John and Andrew didn't come back. I sent some deputies to look for them. They found them several miles from Fort Hays. It looked like they had been ambushed. Andrew is dead and John is badly wounded," replied Randall.

"Does anyone know who it was?" Asked Louise.

"I've sent men out to look and question anyone who might have seen something. So far nothing," replied Randall.

"Louise, I'm so sorry for your loss. Andrew was my best marshal and he will be missed a lot. If there is anything I can do? Just ask," replied Judge Randall.

"John eventually recovered. He and Matt spent months tracking down leads. But no one knew anything. Ma decided to move back east a year after pa's death. She had family there and they would help her. I knew I could've gone too, but I didn't want too. So the Judge agreed to watch me and keep me out of trouble."

As Chris sat on the chair recalling memories a smile crossed his face.

"Why the smile, Is this when Ella came in to your life?" Asked Josiah.

"Yeah," replied Chris. "Her pa was one of several new marshals hired by the Judge. She was different than anyone I knew."

"How was she different?" Asked Josiah.

"She was pretty wild. She did what ever she wanted. I found out her mother had passed a year ago. So it was just Ella and her pa. He was gone most of the time for the Judge. Soon I found myself becoming more and more interested in her. Matt warned me to stay away from her. He only made it more tempting. After a while I realized that being around Ella was not a good thing. She was just too wild and she had become too possessive of me. By this time I was already carrying a gun. I had been doing odd jobs for Judge Randall, and the gun had become part of my work. Then came the day I had to leave. The Judge knew it and so did I. Matt and John was gone a lot. I knew it was time to leave."

"As I left Fort Hays it was like a chapter in my life closing and another one opening? As I went from town to town they all seemed so different. It was a small town on the borders of Texas and Oklahoma that I met Buck. He was a lot like any cowboy. He was roaming from town to town. So we became friends he watched my back and I watched his. We were both pretty wild. With Buck it was easy to have a wild life, drinking and carousing around was becoming a part of my life. Over the years I would let the Judge know where I was. I think he knew what I was doing all along. I would get a letter back that would say this is not what your pa wanted for you is it. His letters would make me stop and think what I was doing."

"A few months later I met Sarah. She was like no one I had ever met before. For the first time in a long time I knew what I wanted. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. But we know what happened there."

Suddenly there was the voice of his brother Matt.

"Pa always said a gun could destroy a man," replied Matt.

"What are you doing awake?" Asked Chris.

"I heard what you told Josiah," replied Matt.

"Tomorrow we'll leave for Fort Hays... if you can ride?" Said Chris.

"I can ride," replied Matt.

"I'll see you in the morning. Come to the saloon. I'll be there," replied Chris.

The light was starting to come up over the horizon. Chris slowly rose from the chair and started walking out the door. Chris noticed that everyone was there waiting.

"You all can't go," replied Chris. "Buck and Josiah will go with me. Vin, you and the others take care of the town while we are gone," replied Chris.

"Everything will be okay," replied Vin.

As they started to ride out of town, Chris suddenly stopped and turned to his brother. "I have to go to Eagle Bend first. Then we can go to Fort Hays," said Chris.

As they rode along Chris wondered what would happen to him. They came closer Chris realized he had not been here for along time.

"What place is this"? Asked matt.

"It was mine, but that was a life time ago," replied Chris.

He slowly got off his horse. He thought he could hear Adam call him pa. His last memory of them was as he and Buck rode off. Chris slowly walked the few steps to the picket fence. He heard Matt ask "what is this?" Closer he saw the names on the wooden crosses. The crosses read Sarah Larabee and Adam Larabee."

"I kept my promise to pa. That I wouldn't let guns control my life," Chris said. "When I came home to find my wife and son dead. I buried them and on that day I vowed to find their killers. No matter what I had to do or become. I would find that person. As far as I was concerned my life that I cared about was gone. So that kid you used to know, the one that was so quiet and gentle. He grew up to become the notorious gunslinger Chris Larabee."

"Now you know," replied Chris.

"All of this because of the death of your family?" Asked Matt.

"Yes," Chris replied. "I didn't care anymore whether I lived or died. Their deaths turned me slowly to the dark side of the gun. For years I didn't know who it was. Then I found the man. Then I knew the women who had hired him. By this time my life had become so different. Everywhere I went I could hear them whispering. He's the notorious gunslinger Chris Larabee. With living in Four Corners now I don't hear the whispers as much."

"Maybe one day I may become that boy I used to be. But for now I'm who I am, and that's all I can be," replied Chris.

"I understand," said Matt.

"I can only hope maybe one day," Chris replied.

"Maybe one day, Chris," replied Matt.

As the two brothers looked at each other they slowly walked away.

THE END