Kansas by KETanner

I used to be a farm girl from Kansas...long time ago. Back in another lifetime it seems but that ain't important no more. Hasn't been for quite some time. Ain't nobody here that cares 'bout stuff like that. They's only lookin' fer a decent meal, a shot of whiskey, a good cigar and a soft bed with a warm body in it. Hell, it don't even matter what ya look like, just long's yer female 'n wearin' a skirt. That's good 'nuff fer most of 'em.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I ain't complaining. Leastaways, I ain't complaining all that much. I mean...it wasn't like I hadda choice or nothing like some girls did. It was the only way to put food on the table when Ma 'n Pa was killed, not that I minded that all that much neither. Probably cuz Pa used to beat us all somethin' awful. Drank too much, he did. Lie 'round the cabin all danged day long more'n likely just pissing in the wind as much as anything. And Ma skulking 'round trying to see to us younguns 'n hoping Pa don't take no notice of her. She didn't wanna get nailed again 'n it seemed that's the only way she could keep him from whoopin' up on her...which he used to do right regular like. At least, once or twice a week, I reckon. But then I was jes a farm girl from Kansas so what do I know, right?

Anyways, after Ma and Pa died there was mouths to feed 'round the place 'n I ain't had no formal book larning 'n such so I couldn't get me no nice job nowhere. So I did the only thing I could. I sold myself to old man Lawson at the general store in exchange fer a sack of flour. I figger I got the better end of that bargain cuz that sack of flour lasted a helluva lot longer than old man Lawson did, Lord rest his soul.

Then after that there was the blacksmith...don't rightly 'member his name...cuz we needed a new pair of shoes fer the wagon horse. More of 'em followed that. I kinda lost track after a while, jes giving 'em what they wanted, lettin' 'em use me 'n larning what I could in exchange fer food 'n clothing fer my brothers 'n sisters. Maybe if I was smarter I coulda been somebody...had an ed-u-ca-shun, ya know?...but it weren't easy when ya got young-uns you's responsible fer.

Naw, it definitely weren't easy 'n they was always hungry mouths to feed 'n somebody coming down sick with something so's I had to call the doctor out. Kinda liked that old fella though on account a him being so full of book larning 'n all. He knew I could read 'n write a little 'n he brought me some right purty books that he said he don't need no more. Shoot, I always wanted to sit down 'n look right through 'em as fast as I could...I liked lookin' at them pictures, ya know...but I larned the hard way afore that ya always gotta take care of bizness first. So I'd jes take holda his hand 'n lead him into the bedroom that used to belong to Ma 'n Pa. Sometimes he'd want me to be with him 'n other times he just wanted someone to hold on to. Don't begrudge him that none. Hell, we all want someone to hold on to...even us farm girls from Kansas.

Anyhow, things kinda went to hell in a hand basket after that. Had a big outbreak of one of them diseases that I cain't remember the name of but they's the kind that makes folks real sick. If ya catch it then yer more'n likely gonna die. First thing I noticed was Tommy had a fever. Weren't sure jes what was wrong at the time 'n didn't have no extra money to pay fer medicine 'n such so we jes gave him tea 'n herbs. Then Elizabeth done got sick too 'n I started to worry. Next thing I know, Jolene is having somethin' Doc called a fever seizure. Scared the livin' begeezus outta me seein' her jerking 'round like that. I lit outta there faster than a scalded cat 'n rode over to get Doc as fast I could. I remember it like yesterday...cuz that was the first time I ever heard that word 'n it ain't likely to be a word you'd ever forget neither.

Whore.

His wife kept screamin' that at me the whole time I's standin' there begging an' a pleading fer Doc to come look at the young-uns. Tried tellin' her how sick they all was but she didn't pay me no nevermind...jes kept calling me that word.

Whore.

Well, I reckon that's what I am all right cuz after all the younguns died, I lit outta that place 'n I ain't never looked back since. I mean, why should I? Weren't nothing I cared 'bout holdin' me there 'n I had to find some way to keep from starving to death. Wasn't like I had any other choices if'n I wanted to stay alive. Hell, I ain't had no choice in this whole mess when ya get right down to it. Some things is jes meant to be 'n me being a working girl I guess is one of 'em. Not a whole lot ya can do 'bout it but to accept yer fate 'n get by the best way ya know how.

That's what I done, all right. Got by as best I could. Doing what I had to ta survive 'n I can tell ya, it ain't been easy. 'Bout six months ago, I ended up here in this little dusty backwater place called Dawson Flats 'n found me a steady place of employment as the finer folks like to say. Even have me a bunch of reg'lars come askin' fer me all personal like 'n not wantin' to be with nobody else. Kinda nice, don't ya know, to be appreciated 'n in demand. I like being popular cuz ya earn more money that way to buy ya nice things over to the store. 'Course, the flip side of that is not every man who pays to be with me really knows what he's doing 'n you get roughed up a bit by them that likes pain. Ya find out which ones those are right quick enough 'n ya learn how not to provoke 'em so yer bruises don't hardly show at all. Ya jes do as they tell ya, stroke 'em 'n pet 'em 'n pretend they's the best lover ya done ever been with even though we all know that ain't so.

But ever once in a while, one comes along that knows how to treat a gal right 'n ya don't have to spend the whole night pretending it's good while yer already thinkin' in yer mind jes what yer gonna buy with the money you's earning. That's how I met him...on one of them days when I wasn't feeling real sociable-like on account of them bruises I'd gotten from a feller the night before. In fact, when ya get right down to it, I was pretty danged stiff 'n sore.

But I look up from the bar where I's sitting 'n there's this fella standing in the doorway. Couldn't see his face yet but there's jes something 'bout him that seems to naturally draw yer eye. He walked on in the saloon 'n jes about every gal in the place was taking a gander at the fella... includin' me! Shoot, I ain't never seen such a handsome, long tall drink of water in pert near my entire life. Fair take yer breath away what with them powerful green eyes of his 'n that length of blond hair stickin' out from under the brim of his hat. Not to mention that lean hard body jes a hidin' 'neath that black duster he's got on. Don't matter a whit that he's covered in trail dust from the top of his head to the tip of his boots. He's lean 'n tall 'n handsome 'n jes 'bout the sexiest thing I ever laid eyes on in my life. Fair 'nuff to make yer mouth water jes lookin' at him 'n thinkin' all kinds of wicked things you'd like to be doing with him.

But then Sadie lays eyes on him 'n starts sidling over thattaway with a bottle of whiskey 'n a couple of shot glasses in her hand. It probably ain't obvious to most folks but they's sort of an established pecking order in a place like this one 'n Sadie's always been top girl fer as long as I been here. Oh, I don't begrudge her that none...she's a right purty gal 'n a favorite with all the fellas so that she kin pick 'n choose which ones she wants to be with. But some of us ain't so lucky.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I's ugly or nothin' but with her shiny black hair 'n big green eyes, they ain't many girls 'round that can stand up next to her. Me, I jes got stuck with my Ma's reddish brown hair 'n pale blue eyes. I ain't bad looking, more what'd you'd call homely like, but then compared to Sadie, we's all pretty homely looking. It's something of a private joke 'tween the rest of us other girls.

Anyway, Sadie goes up to Mr. Tall, Dark 'n Handsome 'n starts talkin' him up 'fore she leads him over to a private table in the corner. They sit down together 'n she pours him a drink while smiling and a'flirting with him. She's sittin' real close 'n runnin' her fingers up 'n down his arm all the while he's sipping from his glass. I was watching close like to see what Sadie was gonna do cuz this fella ain't like none of her reg'lars 'n I ain't sure she's gonna be able to handle him. But then again, Sadie can handle most any fella she wants.

So I's watching 'em in the back corner 'n I can't help but stare at his mouth. Danged if he ain't gotta little cleft in his lower lip, kinda makes it look full 'n pouty 'n sexy as all get out. And I'm staring as if my life depended on it when he opens his mouth to take a drink, curlin' them fine lips back offa his teeth like he's snarlin' as the whiskey burns its way down to his stomach. Thought I was gonna fall off my stool fer sure when his tongue circled out to lick a drop from the corner of his mouth. Started getting them funny butterfly feelings in my stomach just a watchin' him do that 'n thinkin' 'bout what that mouth 'n tongue would feel like on my skin. Damn, but it's been a long time since I been with a man who made me feel like that...who could get me hot like that. Found myself wishing that fer once I was Sadie. Come mornin' all the other gals was gonna be pea-green with envy...myself included.

And then suddenly I glance up 'n catch his eye. He's watchin' me 'n sitting there still as death, staring at me with a strange look on his face, kinda all desperate 'n hungry like. It's almost as if I kin feel them fierce green eyes of his undressing me in front of God 'n everybody. And then fer some reason I start blushing cuz he caught me staring at his mouth 'n cuz of what I'm athinking. Hell, I ain't blushed like that in a coon's age...thought I was over silly stuff like that. But that look in his eye is getting me all hot 'n bothered 'n that ain't happened in...oh, let's see. How long's it been? I ain't rightly sure but it's been a good long while.

Sadie notices he's staring at me 'n how I cain't help but stare back. I tried to look away, honest I did cuz it's pretty obvious that Sadie's done claimed him fer the night. But now I know what they mean by getting trapped in someone's eyes. I cain't look away no matter how much I want to. Sadie gives me an dirty look, kinda like she wants to scratch my eyes out 'fore she turns back to him, her hand reaching up to stroke his cheek. Next thing I know, he's got his hand wrapped 'round her wrist shoving her away. Damn, but the man is faster than a striking snake! Looks like he could be jes as dangerous too!

He don't even bother to look at Sadie, just keeps lookin' at me the whole time 'n I jes know I'm beet red from the tips of my toes to the roots of my hair. It's kinda embarrassin' really. After all, I'm supposed to be what they call a...what's the word? Oh, yeah...I'm a professional. Yeah, that's the word.

I may be a whore...but I'm a professional whore. I ain't no amateur. I know what I'm doing.

Anyway, he's practically ignoring Sadie 'n she keeps tryin' ta pet him 'n get his attention back on her but he's having none of it. I can see it in his eyes when he finally gets fed up with it 'n snaps somethin' low 'n nasty at her. It's enough to make her go white as a sheet 'n take off runnin' fer the hills. She skeedaddled outta there so fast...why, it was all I could do not to laugh. And he musta thought it was purty funny too cuz he turns back to look at me again 'n those eyes of his that had seemed like green ice afore are now warm with a touch of humor. But I cain't tell if he's laughin' at Sadie, me...or himself.

Seeing his glass is empty, one of the other girls sashays on over 'n pours him a refill. He glances up briefly 'n nods his head at her 'n it musta been something 'bout the look he gave her cuz she set that bottle down 'n backed off really fast. His eyes return to me as he lifts his glass to that tempting mouth of his, gives me a silent toast 'n then tosses it back in one big swallow. And danged if he ain't got the tastiest looking throat I done ever seen. Got me to tremblin' jes thinking 'bout what it would be like to jes take a bite outta his hide.

Well, at this point, I figger he musta been readin' my mind cuz he sets his glass down on the table without takin' his eyes offa me. His fingers are still wrapped 'round the shot glass 'n danged if he ain't caressing the thing, running his fingers up 'n down the sides 'n all around the rim. And I'm a wonderin' what them fingers would feel like if they touched me like that 'n I knew jes where I'd want him to touch me too!

It's a strange kinda game he's playin' with me cuz I know that's what he's gotta be doing. Ain't no way he'd choose me over Sadie or even Marybeth or some of the other girls. Hell, I ain't even had a bath today 'n last time I saw the mirror, my hair looked a bit like a wild mustangs in need of a good curry comb. And I reckon there's prob'bly dirt streaks left 'cross my face where that cowboy from last night put his hands on me. Did I mention that I don't like it when they touch my face? No? Well, I don't. Not sure why...prob'bly cuz Pa used to smack me 'round some.

And then somethin' happened that ain't never happened to me before. He lifted the corners of that mouth of his 'n gave me the hottest sexiest damn smile I'd ever seen in my entire life. Why, I couldn't breathe, I tell ya! Got all dizzy 'n light-headed 'n was feeling hot 'n bothered all at the same time...and then I noticed my underthings was wet! Now how embarrassin' is that? I mean...I'm the one who's 'sposed to be a professional 'n here some drifter comes astruttin' in ta the saloon 'n sets me off with just a smile.

Damn! If I wasn't so embarrassed, it might be kinda funny...not a real funny but one that's what they call ironic in a strange sorta way.

Well, sir...he's justa sittin' there like he knows what he's jes done to me 'n then cuts his eyes over to the chair 'side him with a nod of his head afore lookin' back at me sideways as if he's askin' a question. And I know what he wants. It's what they all want. Only difference here is that I want it too. It's all I kin do to slide down offa the bar stool, smile nicely at him 'n walk over to his table on legs that feel 'bout as steady as a new foal's. He pulls the chair out fer me 'n I sink into it gratefully...and the whole danged time I'm awalkin' over to him, I can't take my eyes offa that handsome mug of his...and he knows it too.

He reaches out with one hand...'n danged if his hands ain't as beautiful up close as the rest of 'im...pours me a shot of whiskey 'fore helpin' himself to some more as well. Handsome then pushes the glass over towards me 'n looks at me with them eyes of his, one eyebrow crawlin' up under his hat brim invitin' me to join him, another half smile on them pouty lips of his...but I already know what he's invitin' me to. He waits until I pick up my glass 'n touch it lightly against his 'n then downs the whole thing again in one shot givin' me a good look at that throat of his again.

As fer me, well...I've had whiskey afore. Cain't work 'round a saloon 'n not take to drinkin' the stuff but I ain't never been able to swig it down like that. I got a taste fer what they call sippin' whiskey. So that's what I do...I sip it. Burns all the way down just like it always does 'n my eyes start watering jes like afore. Ain't nothin' new there but this time I ain't got nothin' in my stomach cuz I missed breakfast this morning. Was too danged busy tryin' to get rid of that randy cowhand from last night. Thought he could get somethin' fer free but a quick boot to his privates convinced him otherwise.

Now I kin feel the whiskey hit pit bottom 'n my stomach knots up in protest. Don't like havin' that stuff set down by itself but they ain't much I kin do 'bout it at the moment. I'm...otherwise occupied, as Jeanette likes to tell the fellas she turns down. But it does start a slow burnin' warmth spreadin' out through my body 'n believe me, at this point, I ain't needin' to get any hotter than I already am.

Well, Handsome now...he just sits there 'n watches me, them green eyes of his sparklin' like he thinks it's funny or something. And as I feel the whiskey hit my blood stream 'n rush straight to my head...or is it him makin' me feel this way?...I cain't think of a single word to say. Cain't seem to breathe or even move, jes sittin' there like some damned statue 'n burnin' up with a fire inside. If I thought I could squirm in my chair without him seeing...I'd do it.

But he's watchin' me too closely...jes like I'm awatchin' him.

"Name's Chris," he says in a soft sexy drawl that nearly has me meltin' on ta the floor. Damn! His voice's good as the rest of him 'n I'm still havin' trouble breathing so I don't say a word...not one god-damned word. I cain't...cuz I'm too busy imaginin' what them bedroom eyes of his is tellin' me 'n wonderin' what he looks like without all them clothes on. And to top it off, I'm still fantasizin' 'bout that mouth of his doin' things to me that I ain't let nobody do in God only knows how long.

Damn! If I ain't careful, I'm gonna leave a wet spot on my dress!

"You gotta name?" he asks when I remain tongue-tied. You'd think I'd been struck dumb or somethin' because fer the life of me, I couldn't remember what the hell my name was. About this time, Jeanette, the French girl, walks by with some city slicker pawing at her 'n stops jes long enough to lean down 'n whisper in my ear. She says my name 'n then tells me that she's gonna be busy fer a while. Would I mind watchin' her tables fer her? You see, we sorta watch each other's backs that way. Well, of course I pretend that I don't mind so I give her a half nod 'n a smile when all I really wanna do is tell her to mind her own damned tables cuz I'm plannin' on being busy with Cowboy here myself.

I look back at Handsome 'n he's still waitin' fer me to answer his question. Only I cain't remember what he asked. Oh Lord! He's turnin' my brains to mush!

"Yer name?" He asks again as a small grin appears on that mouth of his. I swear to God, the man knows what he's doin' to me 'n he's a doin' it on purpose. It ain't fair. There outta be some kind of law against a man being this danged sexy. And I still cain't understand why he picked me outta all the girls 'round here but I'm thinkin' I'm gonna be mighty glad when I find out why.

He's still waitin' fer me to answer him. "Kansas," I manage to stutter quietly. I'm tryin' to pull myself together here but he ain't helpin' me out none cuz his fingers are back to caressing that shot glass again 'n I'm almost mesmerized by their movement. It's all I kin do not to groan out loud as my imagination takes off with visions of them fingers doin' the same thing to parts of me.

His grin gets even bigger 'n he actually chuckles, a low throaty sound that jes seems to purr over my skin drivin' my temperature up even higher 'n bringin' out goosebumps on my arms. "No, I meant yer real name." I'm havin' trouble breathin' jes cuz of that green sparkle in his eyes 'n he wants to know my real name? Well, it's...it's...damned if I kin remember!

Been too long since anybody called me by that name 'n right now he's got me so flummoxed that I can't see or think straight. All I kin do is shake my head 'n shrug my shoulders at him to let him know that I ain't gotta clue as to what my real name is. Besides which, names don't matter much 'round here. No one ever gives their real name anyhow 'n if'n ya did, ya gotta figger yer jes askin' fer trouble. Hell, his real name prob'bly ain't Chris neither.

But my answer musta displeased him though cuz them green eyes of his weren't green no more. They was black...black as midnight 'n it made me shudder jes to look up into them. He stopped smiling too 'n that bothered me more than I thought it would. He pressed them lips of his together in a tight line 'n I thought I's done fer. Made him mad 'n all cuz I couldn't remember my name. I don't get it. What's the big deal? Ain't like we's gonna be penpals or nothing.

I took 'nother sip of my whiskey to hide the nervous feelin' I got growin' inside me 'n believe me, it didn't help none. Just made me even more light-headed than before which definitely has a way of loosenin' my tongue so's I don't pay no nevermind to jes what I's saying. Musta been why I started mouthing off. Jes wished I could 'member my name so's he wouldn't be mad at me no more but I got a feelin' between the whiskey 'n the way he's a temptin' me that I'd be fightin' a losing battle.

And then he's starin' at me again. Lookin' me over from head to toe with them know-it-all eyes of his. Easing back in that chair 'n stretching the longest damn pair of legs I done ever seen out in fronta him. Shit! No wonder he's so damned tall. I ain't never seen a man with legs like that. Of course, it could have somethin' to do with them tight black pants he's awearing. Stuck to him like a second skin almost, like he had to oil hisself jes to git in them.

And jes when I'm a thinkin' how I'd like to git him outta them pants, he narrows them eyes 'n squints at me kinda hard like. He's got this tick thing going in his jaw cuz he got his teeth clenched so tight. I kin tell he's thinking 'n thinking hard but 'bout what, I ain't got no clue. Like I said 'fore, I ain't too bright. Ain't had me no formal larning, ya know?

Well, he jes keeps a sittin' there 'n starin' at me 'n I'm startin' to think they's something wrong. I start to worrying 'bout jes what he's starin' at 'n wonder if'n maybe something's showin' that ought not ta be. It's all I kin do not to reach down 'n see 'bout straightening my dress or make sure I got my shoes on right. I swear it's fair getting on my nerves 'n I don't know how much longer of this I kin take. 'Specially seein' as how I done made up my mind that this cowboy's gonna be spendin' the night in my bed if'n I got anythin' to do with it.

But he jes keeps on staring 'n folds his hands up like a church steeple in front of him 'n then rests his chin on his fingers. Shoot, I cain't tell what he's thinkin' no more. I ain't gotta clue 'n it's a starting to cause me to fret. Well, I don't like feelin' that way so I decide to kinda take charge of things. I ain't gonna let this one slip through my fingers...not if I kin help it. Shoot, I wouldn't deserve to be called a professional if'n I cain't keep 'im interested.

So I give him a half smile 'n let my eyes drift downward from his face. First time I realized he's dressed all in black...and on him, it looks good...damned good in fact. Ain't an ounce a fat on that lean hard body nowhere's that I kin see 'n I'm a lookin' forward to findin' out fer myself. I open my eyes a bit, lettin' him know I's definitely interested by licking my lips like I's tasting him or something. I kin tell that little trick got to him cuz I can see his chest rising 'n a fallin' a bit more underneath them clothes he's wearing.

I jes had a grand ol' time letting my eyes travel over that fine body 'n make'n it plain as day that I like what I see. Makin' sure there ain't no mistaken. Makin' sure he knows I want him before liftin' my head to look into his eyes again. Seems he ain't the only one havin' trouble breathin' neither. I's feelin' kinda short-winded myself 'n I kin feel my body burnin' with the wanting that's eatin' me up inside.

I don't know how it's possible but his eyes is even blacker than before 'n his mouth is set into a tight line that don't give 'way nothin' of what he's thinking. And then he gives me a little sideways smile afore lettin' his eyes return the favor, travelin' over me again from head to toe real slow like...as if this time he's takin' off my clothes piece by piece. And all I kin do is sit there tremblin' from one end to the other jes waitin' fer a sign...any sign that he's ready, able 'n willin' to go upstairs to my room.

But he jes sits there starin' 'n fer the life of me, I cain't figger out jes what's going on. I'm startin' to wonder if maybe he's a bit touched in the head when he gives me that slow sexier-than-hell smile of his again 'n says real quiet like, "You need a bath."

THE END