PHOENIX
Michael Biehn Archive


Choose skin:

RSS

The characters belong to various production/film/TV companies. No profit is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.
- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:
This is a first attempt at slash. Thank you to Heart Quest and Tarlan for your assistance and encouragement.
Chris Larabee drove down the gravel road, pulling to a stop in front of the old private cemetery. He gazed out of the window, absently watching as the afternoon sun waned into evening, giving way to shadows that grew longer with each passing moment. After a while, his hands grew numb and upon looking at them, he was surprised to see that he still held the steering wheel in a tight, white-knuckled grip. He closed his eyes briefly and sighed as he gathered his courage, then opened the door and climbed out of the truck, turning back to pick up the flowers he had purchased earlier. Slowly, he passed through the creaky gate and walked to the small knoll he knew by heart, then knelt down beside the two graves that lay nestled within its grassy embrace.

He closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of nature and relishing the warmth of the remaining sun. Breathing deeply, he felt the calm serenity of being near his family penetrate his being and allowed himself to relax and lose himself in deep reminiscent memory. Finally, he opened his eyes and smiled softly.

"Hi, guys. It's been a while, hasn't it?" he said, placing flowers near each stone. "Work has been keeping me hopping. Seems like every time I turn around there's an undercover operation to organize or a raid to oversee. But I want you both to know that I haven't forgotten. I think about and miss you everyday."

Shifting from his knees to sit cross-legged facing the stones, he bowed his head and gathered his thoughts as a warm gentle breeze wafted through his hair and caressed his face like a lover's intimate touch.

"Sarah, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would find someone to love me and fill me with such joy. But, you did. You loved me despite your father's misgivings and despite my own faults and shortcomings. My love, you gave to me wholly and freely everything that you were -- so much more than I could ever give you. I never thought I could be so happy. Then you gave me a son and my life became total bliss." He reached out and gently touched each stone, lovingly tracing the names with his finger. "Everything changed when you died," he said bitterly. "I didn't care if I got shot to hell in a hand-basket. Didn't care about anything or anyone. I could be drunk or sober, it didn't matter."

He stood and walked a few feet from the graves, stopping to stare at the mountains that overshadowed the horizon, trying to compose his emotions. After a few minutes, he moved back over and knelt down.

"I became mean and hurtful. Not even Buck got through. I never thought I'd be happy again. I didn't want to be." He sighed then chuckled. "Something happened to change that though. Two years ago, I met a bounty hunter during a raid. Something clicked. It was like we already knew each other -- like we had each found the half of ourselves that had been missing. Sarah, he showed up when I was at my lowest point. I believe his friendship saved my life." He shifted once again to sit down cross-legged. "I'm confused, Sarah. I need your help."

He looked up at the crystal blue sky, a smile rising through his heart and soul, brightening his face and glowing through his eyes.

"I don't know how or even when it happened, but I fell in love him, Sarah. After you, I didn't think I'd fall in love with anyone else, much less a man. But I have. It's a love so powerful that I feel it wrap around my heart and squeezing it." He rubbed both hands over his face then back through his hair. "God, who would believe I'd have these feelings for a scrawny, longhaired sharpshooter who'd just as soon kick my ass than to look at me. That's another thing; he's just like you... not in the least intimidated by me. He won't hesitate to tell me where to go and what to do with myself when I get there. I..." He lowered his head; his emotions overwhelming him then took a deep breath and sighed. "The ache and desire I have for him is so deep, so strong, so consuming that sometimes I think it's gonna drown me and sweep me away. He's everything to me, Sarah."

Once again, his gaze drifted to the distant mountains.

"He was shot today," he whispered hoarsely. "Nothing serious -- just a nick -- but enough to scare the hell out of me. I think it hurt me more than it did him. Later, I was waiting for the nurse to finish bandaging his side when I saw his blood on my hands. All of a sudden, I realized how much I have to lose, again. It was like a dam bursting in my heart. I bolted -- didn't say a word to the others just got out of there as fast as I could." He bowed his head and allowed tears to flow freely. "I don't know how much longer I can hide my feelings from him. I'm so afraid of what he'll say or do if he finds out. What if he leaves? I feel like I'm going insane, Sarah. Should I tell him and hope he'll not hate me or should I go on like I am now, keeping my place as his best friend secure? Please tell me what to do."

"You could try trusting me."

Chris stiffened then jumped up, turning to see his best friend standing a few feet away. "Vin," he said, rushing over to the injured man and gripping his arm. "What are you doing here? Are you all right?"

Vin reached up and placed his fingers over Chris's lips and gently traced them, then caressed them over the tear-stained face. "I'm fine now," he whispered. "Better than fine. Buck followed you after you ran out of the hospital. I talked Josiah into bringing me after Buck called to tell him you had stopped to buy flowers and were headed here."

"Why'd you want to come?" Chris asked, raising his other hand to cup a cheek.

Vin nuzzled into the warm hand then ducked his head shyly when his eyes glistened with tears. "I was worried 'bout you."

"Why?"

Vin lifted his head, smiling as he gazed at the face he knew so well. "Because I love you."

Chris closed his eyes, gasping sharply, unable to believe the words that had slipped through Vin's lips. Finally, he looked into the blue eyes watching him so intently, seeing his love reflected in their radiant depths, suddenly knowing it had been there all along and wondered how he had missed seeing it. "Vin?" he whispered, stroking his hand through the long brown hair.

"Hmm?"

"Can... Can I kiss you?" Chris whispered.

Vin nodded slowly. "Please."

Moving closer, Chris lightly kissed the forehead then the corners of both eyes. Moving even closer, he wrapped his arms around Vin, drawing the younger man forward to rest against his own body. Lowering his head, he brushed his lips against Vin's soft plush ones -- his kiss gentle, loving, feather-like until he heard a groan of passion that increased in intensity, his tongue softly licking, asking for permission, moaning as he was granted entrance into the sweet recesses of Vin's mouth.

After a few moments, Vin broke the kiss then nuzzled his face into Chris' neck, sighing deeply.

"What're you thinking about, Cowboy?"

"Thinking about the only dream I've ever had for myself; that you could love me. It came true." He laughed shakily. "Never thought I'd fall in love with a man either, Larabee. 'Specially not one as cranky and bitchy as you. Why couldn't I have fallen for...Mmm," he quieted as Chris lips descended upon his once again. "Not fair," he complained when they parted.

Chris laughed. "Least I know what'll shut you up," he said, kissing Vin's forehead. "We'll take this slow and easy, Vin. No pressure or rush. Right now, all I want to do is take you home and hold you."

"Sounds good, Cowboy."

Chris walked over to his family's graves. "I love you both so much. I just hope you approve and that you're happy for me. I'll be back soon." He moved back to Vin, smiling as he embraced him then held him in gentle support as they slowly walked toward the truck. When they reached the gate, Chris turned back as he thought he heard a soft sigh and a child's giggle whisper through the trees.

"Thank you," he breathed.

THE END