We're Going Home by Fencerchik721

We're Going Home

Part 1?

"Hey Y/N, while you're up get me another beer, darlin'!" Dale crowed.

"Yeah, yeah," I laughed and walked into the house.

It was a Friday night and the guys and I were having our annual July 4th get-together at Billy and Jolena's house. I smiled to myself. Man, some things never change. These drunken, raucous events always felt like home.

It felt good to be here with them again. It had been two months since I officially left the team to move over to naval intelligence. If I was really honest with myself, I didn't realize how much I'd miss the guys until I was gone. We were family, a family with ties stronger than blood. Hell, we loved each other. I guess that's just the way it goes. A special type of bond forms when you've fought together, shed blood together, slogged through the darkest and most desperate moments of battle together. I owed my life to this motley crew of screwballs.

We were SEAL Team 7 for two years. We carried out specialized covert operations in Pakistan, Israel, Libya, Lebanon, and a host of other places so varied they seemed to all blend together in memory. I had started off as a temporary placement. I had special skills in languages and was one of the most decorated snipers in my unit. I went through SEAL training like every other operator, though to this day Eddie Dane still insisted on calling me "G.I. Jane". That was one thing I would always respect the guys for: they never treated me like an outsider. Of course the Navy didn't want to officially name a female as part of a SEAL unit, but after the first handful of ops, James had fought hard to make me a permanent member of the team.

I cast a glance out the living room window to where the guys were hanging out on the back porch in various states of inebriation. Dale and Billy were currently lighting fireworks in the yard while Leary was doing some sort ridiculous tribalesque dance with a handful of sparklers. Ramos was keeping time with a pair of miniature bongos while Rexer cheered Leary on. Dane was passed out in his deck chair near the fire pit, and James....

I let my eyes rest on my former team leader, Lt. James Curran. James was kicked back in his chair, laughing and watching the antics of our ne'er-do-well companions. My god, it was always a thing of beauty to see him smile. I mean come on, I wasn't blind. James was a handsome man. Not that I would ever allow myself to think too inappropriately about him. Dale was always good for a good-natured come-on or wildly suggestive comment to me, but not James. James had always been a consummate professional. Still it didn't hurt anybody for me to appreciate him as a good-looking man, right?

My bond with James was deeper than the other guys on a more personal level. He had saved my life in Beirut. I mean legitimately saved my fucking life. I had the scars to remember it by. When that IED blew white hot shrapnel into my shoulder and left thigh, it had been James that dragged my bloody and broken ass out of the fire. It wasn't something I could ever forget. Not the wounds, not the mayhem, not the dark look of worry in his eyes when he held me as the chopper took us back to the ship.

I regarded him as he threw back another vodka shot, watching the muscular lines of his throat work under his tan skin.

Damn. Get it together, Y/N. That's James you're ogling, remember?

But goddamn that white dress shirt does look good with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. And those jeans, my god. And I forgot how good he looks with his blonde hair tousled like that.

"Are the animals behaving out there?"

Jolena's voice startled me out of my thoughts. I turned to where she was smiling at me from the kitchen sink. "For the moment," I laughed. "They haven't managed to blow each other up yet."

She laughed and resumed rinsing off the dinner cutlery. "Well, you're gonna be on your own babysitting in a few minutes, honey. My sister is taking me out with her tonight for her best friend's bachelorette party."

I groaned as I walked over to retrieve a couple of beers from the fridge. "God help me, then." I laughed. "This crew is barely civilized, as you well know. I always try to stay semi-sober at these things to make sure nothing too disastrous happens."

She laughed again. "I have faith in you, honey. And you have my permission to beat my Billy senseless if he gets out of hand."

I smiled. "Nah, Billy is always a pretty level head. I'm sure he'll help me keep the peace."

She dried her hands on a towel and walked over to hug me tightly. "Well, I said it before and I'll say it again: it's good to have you here, Y/N. I know the boys are happy to have to here too. We hardly ever get to see you anymore."

I grinned as she released me. "Thank you, Jo. It's good to be here. I'll try to make it more frequent."

A cacophonous boom resounded outside, followed by yelps that were unmistakably Dale's and loud peals of laughter.

"Dammit, Chief! Are you trying to send a rocket up my ass or what?!?" I heard Dale yell. I heard Billy laughing hysterically in answer.

"Oh Christ," I laughed, "I better get back out there."

"Yes, girl. Before they set the damn house on fire." Jolena giggled.

@@@@@@@@@

The embers of the fire pit were burning low, sending pale wisps of oakey smoke into the air. The last of the fireworks were finally gone, thank Jesus, and we were all sitting on the deck chairs, drinking, laughing, and enjoying the night breeze off the coast. Poor Dane was still out cold, snoring softly in his chair.

Dale reached out from my left and clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Well, I gotta say I am fucking ecstatic to have you back, Y/N. It's been fucking horrible with you gone."

I smirked. "I'm sure."

"Hey, I'm serious. Especially with our fearless leader." He jerked his head at James. "He's been a completely miserable fuck. Constantly lashing out at me for no good reason."

At this Leary guffawed loudly. "Yeah, cuz it couldn't possibly be because you're such an aggravating asshole."

Dale scoffed in mock offense. "Moi? I am the lovable member of this team. I don't aggravate. I merely point out when certain people are being uptight pricks."

I hazarded a quick glance at James who was scowling darkly at Dale. His lip curled in grudging amusement and he shook his head. "Yeah Hawkins, our lovable aggravating asshole. Aren't we lucky."

"Well done, Lt. That's the most you've spoken to me all week. Anyway as I was saying," Dale continued without missing a beat. "I think I speak for everyone Y/N, when I say that you are very dearly missed. Especially in those short shorts you've got on..."

I laughed. "Oh for fuck's sake..."

"And," he continued ignoring my comment, "I think I speak for everyone when I say that I hope those intelligence dickwads don't convince you that you're too cool now to hang out with us anymore."

I shook my head and smiled. "Never happen. Once a frogman, always a frogman, am I right? I love you fucking headcases."

"Here, here!" came the resounding answer from the guys.

I cast another glance at James. Amused green eyes met mine, a small smile briefly flickering over his lips. But there was something else there. Something in his eyes. Something I couldn't quite identify. It was something like sadness. The briefest rueful and regretful look.

My attention was jerked away when Dale shot up suddenly from his chair, wobbling dangerously on his feet. "A toast!" he shouted, raising his arm in the air. "Let's go, boys and girls! Shots!"

Ramos retrieved the nearly empty vodka bottle from the ground and filled everyone's shot glass.

"Make it a good one, fucknut!" Leary heckled.

"Oh I shall," Dale coughed, swaying heavily. "A toast, my brothers and sister in arms. Let us drink to our epic achievements, our epic mistakes, and our epic history. And though many things have changed..." He grinned at me and toasted the air. "Our love remains the same."

"Our love remains the same!" came the resounding chorus interspersed with laughter.

I don't know why, but as the guys started knocking back their shots, my eyes darted back to James and I found his eyes already upon me. He was so still, his dark green gaze so intent. And fuck it felt like his eyes were driving straight into me, like my innermost thoughts were suddenly exposed and vulnerable. I felt a warm flush creeping unbidden into my cheeks, my face suddenly and inexplicably hot. He smiled softly, and again I saw that rueful look ghost over his lovely features. He tipped his glass towards me and I mirrored the movement, returning his smile. I drank the shot quickly, errantly relieved to break the strange tension of that moment. The vodka burned cathartically in my throat and then pooled warmly in my stomach.

@@@@@@@@@

It was getting very, very late. It had probably been hours that we had been out there carousing on the porch, but my god the time seemed to fly. I was riding a terrifically heady buzz. More than once I had let my restraint lapse and allowed my eyes to wander back to James. And each time I had, each and every fucking time, I had found him looking right back at me. It was unnerving but it sent the most delicious shivers down my spine.

Fuck.

When the vodka was finally gone, I made my escape by haphazardly gathering up the shot glasses and bringing them inside to the kitchen. Jolena was still out, but I didn't want to add one more thing to her clean-up tomorrow. I began rinsing out the glasses under the faucet. The cold water rushing over my hands was soothing. My skin was flushed warm with booze and nerves.

Everything felt the same with the guys. Everything still felt like home. But yet something felt different, something small and niggling, like feeling a pebble in the bottom of your shoe. My mind shied away from pin-pointing it because every time I tried to analyze it, James' handsome face would swim into my mind's eye and I would sweep it away.

What the fuck was wrong with me? James was still James.

Gorgeous, sexy James. Jesus, stop it Y/N.

If I were truly honest with myself, I knew that small, different vibe was coming from him. He was looking at me...differently than he had before. Or maybe I had just never noticed it until now. But if I was even more honest with myself, I'd admit that something had changed in the way he looked at me long before I left the team. After Beirut. It was no longer a cool, professional, aloof look from him. His eyes were softer. The looks more loaded. There was a tenderness there and yet it seemed to penetrate me more deeply and tie my gut up in knots.

And it had changed me too. Where once I had not allowed myself to view him as anything but family, as a teammate, I started really looking at him as a man. The lovely bunch and coil of his muscles under his uniform, the chiseled lines of his jaw, the small flecks of gold in his deep green eyes, the way the corners of his eyes would crinkle when he smiled, and my god that smile. It was a fucking panty-dropper smile.

I was so immersed in my own thoughts, I didn't hear it coming.

In the split second that it took my mind to recognize an incoming threat from behind, I had already realized it was James.

And I let it happen.

In an eyeblink, muscular arms had grabbed me around my waist, pinning my arms to my sides and lifting me off of my feet. I gasped in surprise, the shot glass in my hand landing in the sink with a clatter. The warmth of his body flush at my back, the scent of his cologne, it froze me. Froze me and at the same time flooded every inch of my skin with heat.

His mouth was at my ear, the scrape of stubble on my cheek. A laugh rumbled up from his chest and I felt it seep through my clothes and sink into my body.

"Did I actually manage to get the drop on you, Y/N? You of all people?" I felt the warmth of his breath on my ear as he gasped in mock disbelief.

My frozen synapses stuttered back to life. I managed to pull off a dismissive, albeit somewhat shaky laugh. "Why is it that you bastards always insist on testing my reflexes with sneak attacks?"

He set me gently back down on my feet and released me with another laugh. I think my body actually momentarily mourned the loss of that tight contact. I turned to face him, attempting to place an acceptable look of annoyed amusement on my face. Fuck, he was still so close. He towered over me.

He grinned, his eyes glittering. "Just trying to keep you sharp, Y/N. If you go soft, it will ruin our reputation," he teased.

I laughed. "Oh, so it's for my benefit, huh? Not just for you fucking children to amuse yourselves?"

He threw his head back with a genuine, deep, full-bodied laugh. "Wait, wait now, Y/N. Let's not miss the point here. That I am now the only one to have successfully caught you off your guard. This is something worth a commendation. I might even get a medal for this."

"Oh my god, I hate you," I laughed punching him playfully in the chest.

He smiled, that goddamned beautiful smile. "Don't be angry. It's truly for your benefit. Keeping you alert. I could have been an insurgent. Or worse, I could have been Hawkins."

I shook my head. "I knew it was you."

He raised a skeptical brow. "Is that so?"

"Absolutely," I deadpanned.

Fuck, it was so difficult to distract myself from how close he was standing.

I cleared my throat. "In that fraction of a second before you got me, I already knew it was you. I know your scent, I know your touch." Holy fuck, where the hell did that come from? Jesus why did I let myself say that?

His brow shot up higher. He shifted on his feet almost imperceptibly, as if he was just as surprised by the response as I was. "My scent and touch, huh?" His voice dropped the smallest octave. "How's that?"

I managed to pull off a hopefully convincing nonchalant shrug. "You've put enough hands on my shoulders before we've busted down doors. Yanked me out of enough lines of fire. Pressed enough pressure bandages on my wounds."

But that wasn't all. In my mind, I momentarily lapsed back to that night in the chopper. Even loopy on morphine, I'd never forget the feeling of him cradling me in his arms. Strong and reassuring though something like terror and dismay flashed in his warm eyes as he surveyed my wounds. I couldn't recall ever seeing fear in his eyes before that night.

He shook his head. "There haven't been that many wounds," he said softly.

"There were enough." I coughed out a small hollow laugh. And just like that something changed in his eyes. The remnants of amusement fell away and were replaced with something unidentifiable. Something poignant, soft, and vulnerable.

His body seemed to sway closer to mine. The air suddenly seemed dense, electric and all-encompassing in that small space between us. He reached up and gently palmed the side of my face. I felt dizzy, disoriented. Heat was radiating off of his body. I was immersed in the scent of his cologne and the scent of him. A scent like warm sun, salty surf and amber musk. His face was too close, too beautiful. His eyes were so terribly green and bright. And they were so unusually and compellingly tender, looking at me with a regard that alarmingly resembled unabashed adoration.

I felt like I was drowning in those adoring eyes, that familiar handsome face, that fucking delicious scent. I felt my knees go weak. An electric shudder jolted through my limbs and then pooled between my legs. Holy fuck.

As my mind began scrambling to orient itself, he leaned in closer, his breath soft on my lips. My mind blanked and I froze for the briefest of moments. And then he was pressing his lips to mine and it felt like fire went roaring through my veins. I felt my hands reaching out of their own accord to fist into his collar, and then pulling his body flush to me. He groaned, a deep delicious sound, and parted my lips with his own, deepening the kiss and sliding his tongue hotly against mine. And fuck he tasted so fucking good, fiery sweet vodka and just the taste of him.

His arms wrapped around me tightly. The heat of his body against mine flooded into me and shot directly to my core. My panties were instantly soaked. My god. I wanted him so fucking bad. "James.." I moaned into his mouth and he swallowed it down.

He broke the hot seal of his kiss to rasp against my lips. "God, Y/N you're so fucking beautiful." And then he was hungrily claiming my mouth again, devouring me utterly.

He suddenly lifted me effortlessly up in his arms and set me down on the kitchen counter. I wrapped my legs around his waist. And holy fuck his hands were everywhere. Gripping my ass and hips, palming my hardened nipples through the thin fabric of my shirt and bra, and finally fisting into my hair as he kissed me so ravenously hard.

My mind was so short-circuited I couldn't help myself. I rolled my hips up into his, gasping at the hard solid pressure of the erection straining through his jeans. He moaned against my lips and released them. I met his eyes and my god. His pupils were blown wide, darkness nearly eclipsing the rim of fiery green. "God I want you, Y/N. You have no idea how long I've wanted you," he whispered.

I was so thunderstruck, so totally at a loss I would almost marvel at it were I in my right mind. But I was so fucking undone with this beautiful man trapped between my thighs. James. My fucking James.

I had no chance to reply as gripped my hair tightly against my scalp, kissing me again and tasting so fucking good. My panties flooded with renewed wetness, my inner walls clenching with want.

There was a loud clatter from outside followed by whoops of raucous laughter. James and I broke apart quickly. My frazzled mind errantly imagined that the guys had succeeded in flipping a dozing Dane out of his chair. And oh holy fuck, I suddenly remembered where James and I were. In Billy and Jolena's fucking kitchen! Holy shit!

I met James' eyes. Christ, they were so fucking beautiful, lust blown and dark with desire. I struggled to latch onto my fucking wits, wherever they may have flown. A strange sort of panic began welling up in my chest. I can't be doing this! This is James! James fucking Curran! He's my fucking brother in arms. A brother I would dearly love to fuck. Jesus Christ! Get a fucking hold on yourself, Y/N!

I loosened my legs from around his waist, my core practically screaming in protest at the loss of contact. My voice tumbled out in a shaky, breathy stumble of words. "I..I..er...fuck..I'm sorry that I... I uh need to go..."

His eyes clouded almost plaintively and he swallowed hard. He palmed the side of my face, brushing his thumb softly over my swollen lower lip. "Don't," he whispered. "Please don't go. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"No, no it's okay. I shouldn't have..." I interjected in a staccato rush, my voice still so goddamned throaty and trembling. And Christ, my legs were trembling too. He pulled away just enough for me to return my feet to solid ground, and I hoped to god that they would support me. Fuck, I felt like I was about to melt into a pool at his feet.

He swallowed again, the lines of his throat bobbing in such a ridiculously compelling way. Fuck!

"Y/N, wait..." He moved his arm as if to reach for me but I was already moving away, my back bouncing off of the counter as I collided with it hard. He was closing the distance, and my god it took every ounce of willpower I had to force my body not to sway back into his.

"It's okay...I just gotta go...I gotta go do...I uh, fuck I gotta go," I babbled quickly, still backing away and bouncing off the surrounding counters like a fucking pinball. Dammit, I didn't remember there being so many fucking counters in this kitchen! Where the fuck are they all coming from?

I willed myself not to meet the pull of his eyes as I turned and snatched my keys from the kitchen table. I walked quickly through the living room and went out the door to the porch. A beer-soaked Dane was pitching empty cans at Dale and Ramos as they crouched behind their chairs, laughing hysterically.

"Hey guys, I gotta run," I managed to shout, grateful that my voice came out steadily though inside I was a fucking whirl of nerves. Dale looked over at me from his cover behind the chair. "Aww, c'mon we're just getting started." He paused. "You alright? You look all fucking flustered."

Christ, I don't even know what I must have looked like. Shit. Thankfully Dale was subsequently distracted by Dane lobbing a beer can into the side of his head. Billy waved at me from his chair. "We'll be alright, Y/N. I'll keep these idiots alive tonight. You're still coming to lunch with us tomorrow, huh?"

"Yeah, of course," I smiled, trying to slow my still thudding heartbeat. "I just gotta go. Gotta take care of some stuff early in the morning, you know", I lied smoothly. "See y'all tomorrow!"

The guys waved their cans and bottles and said their scattered goodbyes. Dane paused just long enough to wave goodbye before resuming his pelting of Dale and Ramos. I grinned and waved back before making a quick escape to my car.

My breath left me in a rush as I backed out of the driveway and made my way out of the neighborhood.

Holy fuck. What had just happened in there?

to be continued?