Undeleted Secrets by Dreamer

Dear diary. August 2, 2005

Someone asked me today what my all time XXX-fantasy would
be. JD was there so there was no way I could be truthful. I just
said something lame about making love on a bed covered with
rose petals. Everyone is so used to thinking of me as sweet little
Casey that no one questioned it. Not even JD.

JD and I have been dating for a few years now but even he
failed to realize that there is a slutty side of me. JD is a good
lover. Always gentle and making sure I come before he does. JD
is very kind and loving man. Sometimes a girl wants more.

There is no way JD would even act out my fantasy. The few
times I’ve tried to get things more exciting JD made a big point
of telling me how he loved and respected me and could never do
anything that wasn’t in keeping with that.

That would be wonderful and everything if I wasn’t convinced
that he was cheating on me. OK. He did cheat on me and
convinced me he would never do that again. I have no proof that
he has but there is something in my gut telling me that he has.
Lately I prefer my fantasies then being with JD.

I am pretty sure our relationship is on its last legs. I don’t trust
JD to be faithful. Especially with his idea that good girls are
for loving and bad girls are for fucking. He doesn’t see that he
could have both with me. I just know that when he goes out with
Buck that JD isn’t being faithful and devoted to me. I just don’t
want to face it. Not yet.

Anyway I got off the subject. I guess the problems I have with
JD are starting to get to me. I really have to do something
about that. I can’t go on this way.

So back to my fantasy. JD would be so shocked, angry and
dismayed at it. I could just see his face clouded with
disappointment in me for having it. What ever. The man who
stars in this fantasy and most of my other more erotic ones is
JD’s boss Chris Larabee.

I know, He is nearly twice my age but there is something
intensely sexual about that man. It would be impossible for a
woman not to be completely satisfied after being in his bed. If
he tried to seduce me I don’t think I would be able to resist.

Just in case you don’t know who he is I will describe him to you.
(who am I talking to anyway? OK, what ever) He is Blond, tall
and muscular. He has amazing green eyes and a glare that can
stop harden criminals in their tracks. I wonder what his eyes
look like filled with passion. His limbs are lean and has
incredible strength. He once was showing me how to get out of
someone grabbing my wrist.

He patiently showed me putting his hand around my wrist. He
taught me to twist towards his thumb and jerk my arm back.
(yes, I was paying attention to every word he said.) What I
noticed was that his hands were both rough and gentle. He held
my wrist tightly but he was careful not to hurt me. He taught
me many different self defense moves that day and I still
remember them all. (Some have came in handy since my collage
campus isn’t as safe as it could be.) I kept wondering what it
would be like to have those hands on other parts of my body.
That night I had some of the best sex dreams I ever had.
Including the fantasy I am about to share with you.

OK I will try to stay on topic. No wonder JD tunes me out when
I talk to him. Pretty sure he only hears every third word. Oops
sorry I seem to have issues about JD lately. Can you tell? OK I
will be good now.

OK, so for some reason and (no, it isn’t anything logical that
would ever happen in real life. The man is so sexy he could have
any woman he wants. Why would he want me?) I am alone with
Chris. Either I have annoyed him to the point that he needs to
punish me or I have something that he wants and is determined
to get it. (No, even I can’t pretend he would ever just want me.)

So he gives me a warning. Do what he wants or I have to pay the
consequences. I pay the consequences. He grabs me and pulls me
over his lap.

“Last chance,” he warns before lifting my skirt to bare my
backside. (Yeah, I never wear skirts but I will for him.) He
teases me about wearing such a short skirt with a thong. (Don’t
wear thongs either)

Anyway he starts to spank me. Not to hard at first. Each blow
gets harder and harder. I can feel the impact right through my
buttocks and ripple through to my clit. I can feel myself getting
wet.

“Casey, you can end this,” He tells me. But I shake my head. End
this? No way.

I bite my lip to keep from moaning as I hang on to his leg. I can
feel his erection against my hip and I smile. I am not the only
one getting turned on. I feel more moisture between my legs and
I am sure he can smell how aroused I am. His jeans might even
have a wet spot from me.

He stops spanking me and is gently rubbing my sore bottom. It
feels amazing. The soft touch is amplified by my sensitive skin.

“This doesn’t seem to be working,” He says out loud.

I lay still. Not sure what he is going to do. I feel his hand slip
down between my legs and is touching my very wet pussy. I know
I am completely soaked. I am soaked just thinking about it.
Anyway, I hear him chuckle. The sound sends tremors of
excitement through me.

“Looks like I am going to have to try another tactic,” He says as
his finger slips beneath my thong. I feel the rough skin of his
finger as he explores my moist flesh.

I can’t help it. I moan and sigh. I lift my bottom higher to get
more of his touch. He is purposely teasing me. I know I am in
trouble. I just hope I can hold out long enough to experience as
much as possible.

He removes his hand and makes me lick the moisture of his
fingers. His fingers are in my mouth as I lick every drop from
them.

He takes them a way and I turn to look at him.

“Your mine to do with as I please,” Chris tells me and I nod my
head. It is true. I am his for as long as he wants me.

He rips my thong from my body and his other hand finds my clit
and his thumb enters me. He strokes me with his fingers as
fucks me with his thumb.

Now I have no control over my body what so ever. My legs are
twitching. I am moaning, screaming, panting. I have no idea. He
has complete control over me and he knows it. He starts to
spank me again. After a couple of smacks I tense up and come
so hard that after I lie limp draped over his lap.

He sets me down on the floor and I struggle to gain my breath.
Inhale, exhale. I barely remember how to breathe. I watch as he
stands up. He undoes the button to his jeans and unzips the fly.

My mouth hangs open and begins to water as he hooks his
thumbs in the waistband and removes both his jeans and
underwear in one motion. I did notice there was a wet spot on
his jeans.

He doesn’t even have to do more then reach out to me and guide
my mouth to his huge cock. (OK, I never actually done that since
that is a not something JD thinks a good girl should do.) I open
my mouth and take him inside. I let him instruct me to what he
wants and all I want to do is devour him.

I lick and suck him like the delicious treat he is. I don’t stop. I
feel his hands in my hair and his voice gently encouraging me. He
tenses up and a flood of creamy white liquid fills my mouth. I
swallow every drop and search for more. He has to pull me away
from him. I just can’t get enough.

He holds me to him for a moment or two while he catches his
breath. I know he isn’t done with me and I am delighted. Finally
he has recovered and orders me on my back.

“Keep your legs spread. No matter what.” He hands me my knees
and makes me hold on to them as he settles between my thighs.
The feeling of his mouth on my hot wet flesh is too much. I can’t
take it. I tell him so but he ignores me. (By the way this too is
not a good girl activity. pout pout pout.)

I am thrashing about and he warns me to keep my legs spread
wide. I can barely hold my legs apart but somehow I am able to.
I come. Over and over his tongue flicks over my clit and I come.
I scream, I moan and I beg. Nothing ends this pleasurable
torture. Finally, I pass out.

When I awake a moment later my legs are still spread but lying
on the bed. Chris is hard as a rock and is crawling up my body.
His cock reaches the opening between my legs and slides in
effortlessly.

The pleasure at having him in me is immense. He kisses me and
his face is soaked with my juices. I taste myself on his tongue
as he slides it in and out of my mouth with the same rhythm as
his cock.

Every time his tongue enters my mouth I suck on it trying to
keep it inside. He has complete control over me and his own
body. He thrusts in and out of me smoothly. My wetness makes
his movements frictionless.

Each thrust starts to get harder and I his control over his body
start to weaken. He grabs my legs and places them over his
shoulders as he thrusts powerfully into my body.

I am helpless and I don’t care. He lets his weight rest on the
back of my legs and his arms resting on the bed above my
shoulders. He is so deep inside me. I think any moment he will
pop out of my mouth. He takes me faster and harder until he
calls out my name and comes deep inside me.

He drops my legs and holds me tight. He tells me how amazing I
was before we both fall asleep in each others arms.

So that is one of my fantasies. I have a lot more but I can only
type for so long. plus I am going to have to delete this anyway.
JD is too good with computers and I he has snooped in my
laptop before. He says there should be no secrets between us. I
want to shout at him when he says stuff like that.

No secrets? Was that really Buck’s girl friends bra in your
room? Why did it smell the same as your shirt? Do you really
think I don’t know what a hickey looks like? Who am I kidding?
I have to end things with JD. I am never going to be able to
trust him.

Dear diary. August 4, 2005

Well its done. JD and I are over. In the history of break ups
this has got to be one of the worst. He found my last entry to
my diary even though I deleted it properly. Apparently he put a
program on my computer that kept all delete files for him to
snoop through.

We were at his apartment. I went to go have a shower when he
decided to see what I have been up to. I had gotten out of the
shower and barely dried off when JD came storming in. He had
printed out a copy of my diary. I thought he was going to hit me.
I am sure he wanted to but he didn’t.

He kept waving it in my face. Calling me a slut, a whore. All sorts
of horrible names. At least he admitted it. He was cheating on
me.

“Had I known what a slut you were I wouldn’t have had to seek
pleasure elsewhere.”

To make things worse It was Buck’s birthday and Vin and Chris
were there. I can’t believe how calm I was. In a way I was
relieved that I didn’t have to break up with him. I was dreading
it. I guess I am too loyal for my own good.

In JD’s world he gets to fuck anyone he wants but for me to
have a fantasy about one of his friends was unforgivable. I
think he would have been just as mad if I wrote about Hugh
Jackman.

So I got dressed then went and grabbed my computer before
JD could destroy it. There was no use talking to JD. He was
completely bent out of shape.

I think the fact that I was so calm and not begging him for
forgiveness was making him more angry. He kept trying to push
me into a response.

“JD you had no right to spy on me,” I say with no emotion.

“JD, she’s right. I can’t believe you did that,” Chris said.

Chris coming to my defense made everything worse. JD turned
to Chris. It was as if everything was in slow motion. The horror
of what JD was about to do was worse then if he did hit me. It
would have hurt a lot less.

“JD don’t you dare!” I scream and try to grab the paper.

“Want to see what she writes about you,” JD said as he tossed
the paper to Chris.

“JD go to hell!” I said before I left. It was no use. I couldn’t
tackle Chris so I just ran out of there as fast as I could.

The second I got in the elevator I lost it. I couldn’t believe that
Chris was reading that. It was doubtful I would see him now
that JD and I were finally over.

That was by far the worse thing JD could have done. I felt
exposed and vulnerable. Mortified. Now that is a excellent word.
Sums it up quite nicely.

So I am back in my apartment. All alone. My room mate is gone
for the month to go visit her relatives in England. I could go to
Aunt Nettie’s but I really wasn’t up to telling anyone why we
broke up. Nettie has always liked JD and I didn’t want to tell
her how horrible he was. or what I wrote to make him flip out. I
needed some time to heal first. I had to get my thoughts
straight and now that I can type what ever I want without
repercussions, I will.

That reminds me. I am going to have to get one of the techie
guys at school to remove the program. Maybe I will reformat
the computer. That would be easier. There is nothing on my
computer that I can’t replace.

I had just started to do that when my buzzer sounded. Not
wanting to talk to certain people I turned the TV to the lobby
monitor. Oh dear god! It was Chris Larabee.

The buzzer sounded again and I reluctantly answered it.

“Hello.” My voice sounded so weak and hoarse.

“Casey, Its Chris. Can I come up? Please.” Chris asked.

I shake my head no but I hit the button to unlock the door. I
see him walk through and head for the elevators.

I look for a place to hide before the insanity of it sinks in. My
stomach was in knots and I was sure I was experiencing my first
panic attack.

I go to the door and unlock it. I leave it open and go sit on the
couch. I hold my fuzzy pillow for emotional support. I hear Chris
knock on the door and walk in.

“Casey?” Chris calls.

“In the living room.” I call back.

“Hi,” Chris said as he sat down beside me.

“Hi,” I say but inside I am screaming. Go away! Stay! Kiss me! Go
away! Please don’t let me make a fool out of myself.

Chris looked uncomfortable and dragged a hand through his
hair.

I just wanted to say that it was wrong of JD to...do that. Or let
me read it.”

I just nod my head numbly. Couldn’t you of emailed me? Did you
have to do this in person? Did it have to be you?

“Also want to apologize for reading it. I should of stopped
when...” Chris blushed.

Oh my stars! Chris Larabee just blushed. I am not seeing things
he did!

“You read it all?” I say softly.

The look he gives me tells me yes. He hands me the papers and I
can tell its been read many times. Please tell me that no one else
read it.

“I kept JD from letting anyone else read it.”

“Thank you.” THANK YOU! I look at the well read papers. How
many times did you read this?

“I guess I should go,” Chris said awkwardly but was looking at
me differently. His eyes were almost a smoky gray green. He
gives me one last look and he starts to say something before he
turns to leave but changes his mind.

I follow him to the door and he stops. He turns and looks me in
the eye.

“Casey, that was the hottest thing I ever read.” I stare at him.

Chris stares back at me then he does the most unexpected
thing. He kisses me.

Now I bet you think he took me to my bed and made mad
passionate love to me. Wrong. Keep reading.

We sat down on the couch for a while and we talked. About
everything and anything. It was getting late so after a few more
amazing kisses Chris left. Not before asking me out to dinner
the next evening.

After a kiss that left me breathless I handed him the paper.

“Did you want to keep this?”

“Yeah, I do,” Chris took it and placed it safely in his coat
pocket.

Dear Diary. August 5, 2005

It is strange how quickly your life changes. In twenty four hours
I went from being JD’d girlfriend. (Such as it was.) to dating
Chris Larabee.

We shocked everyone. Mary had been at the restaurant and you
know how she has been trying to get her hands on Chris for ages.
She comes up to the table and starts to come on to him and
guess what he did? He told her he was on a date and could she
please get lost.

OK he wasn’t that rude but that was the gist of it. Mary kept
staring at me and said “With Casey?”

“Yes, with Casey.” Chris put his hands on her shoulders turned
her around and gave her a push forward. She was so dazed she
kept going.

It was a wonderful evening. After dinner we went to a park and
walked along a man made pond. We held hands and it was so
sweet. He told me he wanted to see me again and I agreed.

Dear Diary August 15, 2005

You know that fantasy I wrote that started everything? Not
even close to the real thing. Making love to Chris Larabee was
the more amazing then anything I could write. Lets just say I am
a very happy woman. I think I will be to busy to write anymore.
Chris is coming over in a few hours and he said he bought me a
present from ‘The pleasure chest.’ I have shivers up my spine
thinking about it.

Oh one more thing. JD apologized to me. Said he didn’t realize
he was crossing a line. Thing is, I am glad he did. If he hadn’t I
wouldn’t be dating the man of my dreams. I told JD that he was
forgiven. We might even be friends again someday.

Well, I have to go get ready. Want to look extra nice for Chris.

Goodbye Diary. Thanks for shaking things up.

Casey